Thursday, November 12, 2009
People Like Me Don't Run From People Like You
I just heard something that made my day.
TKN just told me that a little bird told her that at the height of our animosity, you read my blog posts fervently, all the time.
The little bird also divulged that it was you who left those nasty, nasty comments and blamed it on her.
So during that period of time when I felt most alone, I was never alone. You were there in spirit with me, devouring my every word with relish (laced with hatred, but still mostly relish). In a sense, you understood more about me than anyone else caught in that situation did. You paid more attention to me in that situation than anyone else did.
How ironic. And creepy.
I just heard something that made my day.
TKN just told me that a little bird told her that at the height of our animosity, you read my blog posts fervently, all the time.
The little bird also divulged that it was you who left those nasty, nasty comments and blamed it on her.
So during that period of time when I felt most alone, I was never alone. You were there in spirit with me, devouring my every word with relish (laced with hatred, but still mostly relish). In a sense, you understood more about me than anyone else caught in that situation did. You paid more attention to me in that situation than anyone else did.
How ironic. And creepy.
Jazzyme; 信 7:12 PM.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Jazzyme; 信 1:06 PM.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Sucks To Be Me
... for the past few months.
I had a mini meltdown in front of the Lazy last night. Threw my bag on the floor and couldn't stop crying. Couldn't take it anymore.
Everything I do, everything I lay my hands on, turns to shit. Everything around me, associated with me, turns to shit. I thought it was just a rough patch that'd be over in a while, but I was wrong.
So wrong.
I'm blessed to have a wonderful family, but it serves to remind me of what a failure I've become. I've tried to grit my teeth and bear with it in a rational and reasonable way. I've tried to be mature and independant as much as I can.
I'm sick of doing all those and getting shit back.
I don't want to be the adult anymore who helps you to find solutions to problems all you sons of bitches are too lazy to use your brain to solve. I don't want to be the mediator anymore. I don't want to be responsible anymore for things that aren't under my jurisdiction. I don't want to be rational and understanding anymore.
I'm at the point where the tiniest bit of flame you cause inside me is enough ammo for me to slap you, or at least stop talking to you for a long, long time.
Don't tempt me.
... for the past few months.
I had a mini meltdown in front of the Lazy last night. Threw my bag on the floor and couldn't stop crying. Couldn't take it anymore.
Everything I do, everything I lay my hands on, turns to shit. Everything around me, associated with me, turns to shit. I thought it was just a rough patch that'd be over in a while, but I was wrong.
So wrong.
I'm blessed to have a wonderful family, but it serves to remind me of what a failure I've become. I've tried to grit my teeth and bear with it in a rational and reasonable way. I've tried to be mature and independant as much as I can.
I'm sick of doing all those and getting shit back.
I don't want to be the adult anymore who helps you to find solutions to problems all you sons of bitches are too lazy to use your brain to solve. I don't want to be the mediator anymore. I don't want to be responsible anymore for things that aren't under my jurisdiction. I don't want to be rational and understanding anymore.
I'm at the point where the tiniest bit of flame you cause inside me is enough ammo for me to slap you, or at least stop talking to you for a long, long time.
Don't tempt me.
Jazzyme; 信 2:42 PM.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Supersize This
Jazzyme; 信 7:25 PM.
So Sad...
She stopped walking. "Daddy, I won't let you do this."
Her father, walking two paces ahead, stopped his slow strides. His shoulders slumped, but his grip on the rifle grew tighter. William sighed and turned to face his daughter. "Becka, Tigger is sick. Very sick. We're helping him."
Becka felt her brother's hand on her shoulder. Billy was ten and didn't care about Tigger. He wasn't crying at all, Becka thought bitterly. But Tigger was his pet too.
"But...but why?" Becka trembled, clutching Tigger tighter. He mewed louder this time, his sound strangled slightly by the girl's arms.
William frowned. "Tigger is dying, angel. We're going to help him die."
Becka sobbed. "I don't want him to die! I love him!"
"He's hurting, Becka," Billy said. "That dog hurt him real bad."
"No. Why can't we take him to the vet? The vet can save him," Becka tried to take a step back, but Billy was still there.
Shaking his head, William knelt next to Becka, "No, he'd just do the same thing we're doing. He's hurt too bad. He's just a barn cat, sweetie. He's not worth the money we'd spend on him."
"He's important to me. He's worth it to me," Becka shook her head.
"Becka," William's voice firmed. "You have to say goodbye. We have to do this."
"No!" Becka shouted. "He's mine!"
"Becka, listen to daddy!" Billy snapped.
Becka's small face contorted with an anger she'd never felt before. She couldn't understand her feelings or what her father wanted to do. Tigger was still breathing. He was nuzzling her face right then and there, purring and trying to comfort her. But Becka could feel the differences in Tigger's body since the big, mean dog had grabbed him. He was bleeding from wounds all over his body. He felt softer. He would cry when she tried to touch him. Why was he hurting?
"What will happen to him when he dies?" Becka asked.
William stood and sighed. "God will send an angel to take him to heaven. He'll be with all the other pets. He won't hurt anymore, Becka."
Becka froze. What was she doing? Could she do this? She lifted up Tigger and gazed into his eyes. One was filled with blood and leaking large tears. The other was still clear and bright. The cat's eyes slowly met Becka's. With the look, Becka asked forgiveness.
She kissed the top of her pet's head and gently handed him to her father. She felt Billy take her hand and turn to lead her away.
They had walked ten paces when they heard the shot.
Then another.
And another.
They both turned to see what was wrong.
It turns out the cat was an alien. It bit off their faces and took off for it's hidden alien craft in the woods.
Fucking alien cats.
Found this gem at http://www.ubersite.com/m/61316
Learning About Goodbye
Becka held onto Tigger with all her seven-year-old might. She hugged her pet close to her chest and rested her cheek on her cat's head. The old cat mewed quietly and Becka felt another tear streak down her cheek.She stopped walking. "Daddy, I won't let you do this."
Her father, walking two paces ahead, stopped his slow strides. His shoulders slumped, but his grip on the rifle grew tighter. William sighed and turned to face his daughter. "Becka, Tigger is sick. Very sick. We're helping him."
Becka felt her brother's hand on her shoulder. Billy was ten and didn't care about Tigger. He wasn't crying at all, Becka thought bitterly. But Tigger was his pet too.
"But...but why?" Becka trembled, clutching Tigger tighter. He mewed louder this time, his sound strangled slightly by the girl's arms.
William frowned. "Tigger is dying, angel. We're going to help him die."
Becka sobbed. "I don't want him to die! I love him!"
"He's hurting, Becka," Billy said. "That dog hurt him real bad."
"No. Why can't we take him to the vet? The vet can save him," Becka tried to take a step back, but Billy was still there.
Shaking his head, William knelt next to Becka, "No, he'd just do the same thing we're doing. He's hurt too bad. He's just a barn cat, sweetie. He's not worth the money we'd spend on him."
"He's important to me. He's worth it to me," Becka shook her head.
"Becka," William's voice firmed. "You have to say goodbye. We have to do this."
"No!" Becka shouted. "He's mine!"
"Becka, listen to daddy!" Billy snapped.
Becka's small face contorted with an anger she'd never felt before. She couldn't understand her feelings or what her father wanted to do. Tigger was still breathing. He was nuzzling her face right then and there, purring and trying to comfort her. But Becka could feel the differences in Tigger's body since the big, mean dog had grabbed him. He was bleeding from wounds all over his body. He felt softer. He would cry when she tried to touch him. Why was he hurting?
"What will happen to him when he dies?" Becka asked.
William stood and sighed. "God will send an angel to take him to heaven. He'll be with all the other pets. He won't hurt anymore, Becka."
Becka froze. What was she doing? Could she do this? She lifted up Tigger and gazed into his eyes. One was filled with blood and leaking large tears. The other was still clear and bright. The cat's eyes slowly met Becka's. With the look, Becka asked forgiveness.
She kissed the top of her pet's head and gently handed him to her father. She felt Billy take her hand and turn to lead her away.
They had walked ten paces when they heard the shot.
Then another.
And another.
They both turned to see what was wrong.
It turns out the cat was an alien. It bit off their faces and took off for it's hidden alien craft in the woods.
Fucking alien cats.
Found this gem at http://www.ubersite.com/m/61316
Jazzyme; 信 3:39 PM.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Hiatus
I don't know what to write. I've got no motivation to write. I have no time to write.
And it's driving me crazy.
To the people who threw me into the lurch and left me there.. FUCK YOU. When you tire of your new toys or they get tired of you, you'll die alone and I won't be there because I've moved on :)
I don't know what to write. I've got no motivation to write. I have no time to write.
And it's driving me crazy.
To the people who threw me into the lurch and left me there.. FUCK YOU. When you tire of your new toys or they get tired of you, you'll die alone and I won't be there because I've moved on :)
Jazzyme; 信 12:17 PM.
