I didn't want to know.. gawd I wish I didn't read all that..

You know, my biggest problem is my insecurity. I never want to go back into that room again unless I'm ready and you're ready. It's still pretty much half of her room from the looks of it.

I never want to know about the past. I don't want to be dragged down by the past. I only want to look toward the future and somehow try to make everything seem better.

Maybe you thought letting me know your thoughts and feelings from the past would be good. Well you thought wrong. You've changed since then and all I gathered from your blog was insecurity.

I didn't want to know...

I even wonder if your nick was meant for me, or her.

If only I had read this thing before I got together with you. Now that I know, relationships seem bothersome to you. I would be someone extremely bothersome to you because of my insecurities. Should I make like a robot and bury all my bad feelings inside and continue the way everything is until I explode?

You just want a simple life. And here I come to complicate things. Oh shit, I feel so horrible now.

You can't forget her..

I was wrong for not telling you what I told Roger, but I've already explained why. I know you couldn't help, and you were already laden down with so many problems in your life that I could not bear to add on to it. I know you don't like the feeling of having other people knowing things that you do not know, but have you considered my feelings? Have you stood in my shoes?

Why is it that I put on a smiling face everyday even when I feel like tearing my heart out inside? Why is it that I look as if I am carefree all the time, with no problems at all? Why is it that I try to organize outings and gatherings all the time? Why am I always the one to appease?

Don't I have problems of my own? Don't I have a heart, don't I bleed too when my skin is punctured? Do I look like a robot to you?

I don't talk much about my problems because I know I am the only one who can solve them. There is absolutely no use to lament because that is not going to help at all.

I know I am horrible by making you sad in the second week of our relationship. Even after explaining why. Even after giving a perfectly good reason. We could've had a talk about this to clear things up between us instead of guilt-tripping each other.

Now I feel so horrible that I can't sleep. Perhaps we were both in a bad mood.

I love you too much to lose you, Kenny.