Thinking About It


I have been thinking about my life and my relationship with Lazy.

I realized that throughout all those cumulative years, I've somehow molded myself into half of a person and forgotten how to be myself.

Was talking to my sister the other day, and we came to the realization that in order for me to be truly happy, I need to find myself. I need to be comfortable doing things that I want to do alone.

I can not keep waiting for him to do things with me, because then it'll never get done. I also can't mope around the house waiting for him for hours on end when he attends stuff that he can't bring me.

In that sense, I also can not only wait for him to go do stuff without me before I can do my own stuff. Because by then, I'll be at a loss when he goes and end up moping around the house for hours on end again.

I also need to learn to ignore his 'not-happy' look. Because everytime I want to go do my own things, he gives that look and I'll feel so guilty that in the end, I won't go. I resent that.

So, for a start, I guess I'm just going to have to talk to him about giving me the time to find out who I am and what I really want to do. Even if its just small stuff like playing basketball or meeting friends.

*cringes*