Just to let you guys know that I DO know that I haven't been in to blog religiously. I know. Its just that, sometimes in life you can no longer find the will to do things that may not affect your mood. I know I'm not making sense here but it makes sense to me.

Why is it that I can never get a hold on to how I am feeling? How do I feel now? Numb. I can't describe it. It all makes no sense to me, this madness inside. What's life? Love? Why is it that I feel so numb inside now? Apart from the pain I've been having in my lower abdomen, what else is there left?

Scorpian's dead. Don't ask.

As I go through the motions of life now, I see inches of escape encased within the frivolity of everyday. I could feel the energy surging through within a split second, and then it was gone. How can this be?

Yesterday on the MRT. A playground was seen in the far distance, near a flight of steep stairs. I had this sudden urge to rush over to the playground and throw myself down that flight of stairs. This all happened in a couple of seconds.

Am I going mad? But how can one go mad knowing that she's going mad? There's nothing bothering me now, no stress no nothing, only numbness, but what harm can that do to me?

Only numbness.

I can't do shit. I can't do anything constructive. I don't feel like cramming books into my head for the moment, but I can't find a job either. Mom's having problems with bill again, and where will I be to help her?

I'm a low-life, useless piece of shit.

My friends, they see me as someone always smiling and joking, having the time of her life, but its all a lie. It's all a front so that nobody bothers me about seeing a doctor. What if it's cancer? What if it's worse? It not bothering me anyway, so there's no point musing over it.

My dreams have recently become my reality. Sometimes I can't even differentiate between dreams and reality. I recall things I did in my dreams, yet can't remember things I did in real life. Is that going to be a problem?