I'm sinking...

I'm sinking into the deepest, darkest abyss where I can find no sunlight. Where the days are a sullen gray and the nights are dull black. Where, no matter where I turn, I can find no exit.

Why is this happening to me?

I shouldn't let all these affect me so much. I know I shouldn't. But what control do I have over my heart? What control do I have over how I feel? How do I make all these go away?

Wenyi advised me not to let this affect me at all, because I have all the advantages of being a girl. But everytime I get his message, everytime I see him stalking and loitering around downstairs, everytime I get stupid gifts from him, I feel the hate increasing. And as long as that hate increases, that bad feeling comes again.

I wish I knew where all these sorrow come from. I wish I could drown them in something, anything. I wish the world would stop spinning and time would just stand still as I hollar silent tears until my throat rips and my heart breaks.

I try to put on an attitude that shows that I don't care to the world, but deep inside, I do. I try to smile and laugh and joke as normal, but deep inside I'm cracking, jagged edges and lines running amok.

I can't control my emotions. I'm only human.

I can't hollar.
I can't pound on the wall.
I can't scream and shout.
I can't cry anymore.

It doesn't matter. Nothing ever matters anymore.

So much for letting off some steam. Time to put on my mask and face the world again.