The sinking feeling is here again..

I stare at the abyss that which I have gotten out of, every day.

Depression setting in. What is depression? Why do I use this word so freely, as if it is nothing more than a common flu?

I wish I could just throw everything to the wind, to stand by the sea, ignoring what the others think about me and scream until my throat rips, until the blood spurts out and form a river, going on forever. I wish to make this river of sadness now.

With my blood.

Why is this feeling here? Why is it that I can feel extreme happiness at one moment, total depression at the other? Why is it that I feel like doing unspeakable things to myself?

But I don't. For the sake of my animals.

What if one day I just blew up? What if I fell back into the abyss again and perhaps never find a way to get out?