I paint my face everyday in the hopes that it can mask the rawness inside. Everyday I go home with smudged mascara, the sign of crying, but I did not cry.

I've been wasting too much tears recently. I didn't know I could cry so much, as if I'm like any other normal girl. I never used to cry. Now my tears are all spent and I just feel this emptiness inside.

As I slowly trudged to work in the past few days, I lived in a world of my own. I noticed people staring, complimenting, but I didn't care. I just wanted the night to be over with. I just wanted to go home and lie in my bed and hide from the rest of the world.

Is there a reason for this, I hear you say. Do I need a reason to feel depression in such magnitude that I wish I could just throw myself off the cliff?

Work wasn't bad, drinks and smoke, but having to entertain people all the time when I don't feel like it is exhausting. But I have to go on. I need the money. I want to get my license done as soon as possible, and I want my SP or RR as soon as possible.

Where are my tagboard shit-stirrers? They make me feel good about myself. And Y, didn't you say you want nothing more whatsoever to do with me? Why are you still in my tagboard? Get a life, dude.

Missed bike shopping today. Slept all through. Dang, I wanted to see all those bikes!