I Can't Feel A Thing


We had a talk and had the problem solved last night.

But instead of the love-induced delirium that usually comes with finally getting to touch him again after so many days, I ... can't feel a thing.

Instead, I feel even more alone. I feel even more like leaving

The awkward passes in the hallway. The awkward hugs.

We just aren't us anymore.

I think these feelings stem from having to fight for an apology, even in the most obviously-his-fault situations. I'm so tired and battle-stricken from having to fight for apologies that I rightfully deserve.

It took 4 years for me to get my very first sincere apology from him, and that took an entire week's effort.

And it's not just about the damned apologies. Its about so many other things.

I don't know how I am can not feel a thing, and yet feel so alone.

All I feel is.. that I want to sit here in this chair in office. For as long as possible.

I don't want to go anywhere.