Yes! Yet another day of bloggers' block again (the bloggoer's version of writers's block).

Can't seem to think of anything to blog about. Hmz..

Got attacked by a stupid crow the other day. It probably saw something shiny (i.e The mirror on the back of my phone) and, in a moment of folly, did not see me.

In the middle of swooping down to grab that shiny thing, it suddenly realized that the shiny thing was actually attached to a head (I was on the phone at that time), tried to change it's direction but it was already too late, and so used my head as a landing pad and then flew off again.

Whatever the reasons, it was still stupid.

But that wasn't as stupid as the people working here at the GV Yishun 10. I got my IC checked, TWICE, for some shows that require age limit. Not too bad? Think again.

It probably wouldn't be so bad if they checked me for an M18 show. But the blardy idiots checked me for a stupid NC16 show! Once was enough to get me irritated enough, but I got checked TWICE on different occasions, by different people! ARGH!

I'm totally addicted to the doll maker! Look, who's this?



Ain't she pretty? It's my Leeling jiejie! Eh, I never said it was exactly alike. Just a passing resemblance.

Just a digression. I love my animals. Actually, all animals in particular.

And HEY! A shoutout to Aris, friend of dear Mykie. Although I do not know who you are, and although we're separated by a few countries, I'd like to thank you for your message. It really brightened up my day.

I love you Singapore! I love you for having yearly sales that last for two months!

I went on a shopping spree today. Haven't felt so good doing shopping in such a long time! I believe this is the first time I'm shopping for clothes ever since Chinese new year.

Spent $100 today, all on clothes! Whew! And I would just like to say sorry to my paycheck in July for using $100 in advance. Thanks to baby for providing the money, but I’m returning the money once I get my paycheck although he doesn't want me to pay him back.

Stuff I bought! Did I get them cheap or what?



This is a nice and sophisticated-looking top that accentuates curves on my waist. Check out the dumb paper bag it came in. Price: $24.



This is the most expensive thing I got today, at $33.90. but I think it's worth it, because it hugs my ass and only shows where I want to be shown.



BARGAIN BUY. This gotten for 29.95 at Shibuya! Isn't it great? There was this other black dress of a different design there that I wanted, but I decided get just this one instead.



BARGAIN BUY. Gotten for an amazing $2 at Ang Mo Kio yesterday. It's tight fitting and body hugging. Need I say more?



Lovlies at $2.90 each. There were more where it came from, but I decided to get just these. There were a few costumes for bedroom play too, but.. not yet. *grins*

Anyway, went to this doll-maker website http://elouai.com/doll-makers/candybar-doll-maker.php and made these



Made by me. Doesn't it looks like me? What do you think? If you're really free online then go make one of yourself or your friends. Sorry, girl dolls available only. Make one for me when you’re free.

And, since I am still so damn free, I’ll show you something.



What does this look like to you? Looks like a road sign to me.

It's a school logo, by the way.

This is for all my lady friends and especially Fie.



Today, boys and girls, we do some studies on the male species of the human race.

Why don't guys think that guys are jerks? Why is it always the girls who think that guys are jerks? Well, there's a simple logic behind that.

Study case #1

Why don't guys think that guys are jerks?

Guys, when they are with their guy friends, behave in a totally idiotic monkey way to show how 'manly' he is. But when they're with their girlfriends they behave just like themselves.

With guy friends, guys put up a front and act as though they're retarded, just like everybody else. And everybody else acts the same, so that it’s become some sort of a social protocol.

This particular form of this species influence each other a lot. So their ego is inflated just by being with each other. When one tells of his exploits with his girlfriend or without, the others automatically does it to their girlfriends (or someone else other than their girlfriends).

Thus, they are blinded by their own actions, unable to see themselves for what they really are: jerks.

They think that there's nothing wrong with it as everyone else is doing it, so they go into it even deeper, thus making it difficult to see that all guys ARE actually jerks.

Study case #2

Why do girls think guys are jerks?

Because guys usually show their true self when they're with their girlfriends. They go all egoistic, and think that they're once in a lifetime hunks that happened to fall from the sky.

Or, they treat their girlfriends as 'venting' machines, literally. When they're in a bad mood, they take it out on their girlfriends. When they quarrel with someone, they want their girlfriends to side with them even though they were obviously in the wrong.

Guys can be so childish at times, no matter what the age. As their girlfriends, girls can only smile and comfort him like a child or there’ll be an imminent bicker again.

Girls see guys as they really are: sex starved gorillas. All they want is sex, sex, and more sex. Guys think with their pricks, and it is only the girls who can see this.

And as girls, girls see so much more of guys than guys actually know. And from experience, girls usually deduce: guys are jerks.

Study case #3

Although guys think girls are horrible wenches with PMS 24/7, and girls think that all guys are jerks/bastards, neither can live without the other.

Study closed.



p/s: The studies concluded above does not eradicate the fact that some girls ARE scary witches with PMS 24/7. It just facts from a girl’s point of view.

Plus, it was generalized. Some guys I know (as friends) are actually nice monkeys once out of the company of their guy friends. I know that there must be more of this type of guys running around, but did not have the pleasure of meeting them.

Thirdly, it was not based on a particular person(s) I know. It was a mixture of people and real life account from female friends.

I apologize if it sounded like you, although if it did, you probably deserved it. And to those who got offended (guys), don’t take it too seriously.

In short, the war between girls and guys will NEVER be over. Trust me on this one.

Pressurizing is good for you. Or so my mother thinks.

I’m back with baby again. Is that a mistake? He seemed so sincere in all his apologies and promises. And he really did change a lot for me. I can really feel the love whenever I’m with him.

But is it still a mistake? Because whenever I try to leave him he’ll do lots of stupid things and maybe even hurt himself. Or me.

My family members including godmother and grandmother knows about this.

If ah Yang korkor was here… he’d beat the shit out of baby

A lot of my friends say that he’s the most dangerous type of boyfriend. And everyone says that once he hits you, he’ll always hit you

Mom’s not happy about this. She’s pressurizing me into breaking up with baby.

I only want her to be happy. The reason that I’m still living is her. I did try to commit suicide before but thoughts of her crying at my coffin surfaced in my mind, and I put the knife down. Is it a mistake too, putting down that knife that time?

I only want to see you happy. But why is it that every time I try to do something to please you, you are never satisfied? Why is it that although I think for you every single time, worry for you, do everything for you, you are never satisfied? Why is it that you have to use such harsh words when I do something wrong although you know that they hurt me more than anything in the world? Why is it that I can’t live my own life and be happy?

I do try to keep up the good daughter image in your eyes. But you always tell others that you have monsters in your house. You speak as if I’m that kind of selfish girl who only thinks of herself, and spends your money without thought.

I have gone for days without meals just to avoid taking money from you because I know that you have bills to pay. I have been worried about money all this time, that’s why I continued working even though I was crying because of stress everyday. And when I finally did resign, I didn’t expect you to tell me that it was lucky that I wasn’t raising a family on my own, or I couldn’t quit so easily.

I just want so much for you to be happy.

I know you worry for me, and want to protect me from everything you deem harmful. But if you don’t let me try it on my own, how will I learn to stay away from it? Even if I did get hurt, at least I’ll learn a meaningful lesson. And, I am not a child anymore. I know how hideous the world is. I know how to stay out of trouble.

The world is meaningless when you are not happy. My relationship doesn’t mean much to me, I was pressurized into it. Now I’m pressurized into staying in it even though I do not want to. It will end sooner or later.

I know that I’m stupid too. I can’t get past this hurdle in education. But I really do try, although sometimes mom doesn’t see it.

I know dying isn’t a solution and I know it’s not going to solve anything. But I know one thing for sure: all this hurt and pain and voices in my head will stop.

It will all stop.

It doesn’t matter to me if I die, because life is meaningless to me. I’m only still here because I don’t want to hurt those who love me. I don’t want to see them cry at my coffin.

Please, please stop pressurizing me.. the voices in my head are already telling me to pick up that knife.. to pick up that knife…

Time to wipe those tears and put on a big smiley face for the world again.

Fight! Fight! haha

Sunny (and noisy) Thurday afternoon and I'm stuck at home. Sigh. Next week today I'll be the girl of your dreams in the IT show.

WooHoO~! So start sucking up to me now.

For the benefit of Leeling jiejie (Hi~), this is my new pet



Mazda.

No, she is not a rat. She's a chinchilla.

This darn stupid uncle came to my mom's coffeeshop the other day and sold Mazda to her for $40. He said that he'd bought her on the pretext of wanting her to mate with his male chinchilla, but they wound up fighting.

He kept her for a year because she was so cute. And now he's selling off all his other "hobbies" too.

All I could say was he's an ass. Doesn't he know that you can't expect them to mate by simply throwing her in his other chin's cage? They need to get to know each other and get accustomed to each other's smell.

Mazda now has this habit of keeping to herself. She's not curious at all, like all other chins are. She also refuses to eat pellets, leading me to suspect her previous owner of feeding her with only hay.

What an ass.


Isn't it strange how sometimes you have a lot to say and blog but when you actually sit down in front of a computer everything just eludes you? It's kinda irritating.

*post edited, war removed*

Have decided to completely stop on my novel. I've developed some sort of writer's block over that particular story.

Will post snippets of it here when I am free.

Thanks to peeps who worried for me and showed their concern. Leeling jiejie, Jennifer, Shirong, Uncle Ronald, Yuffie and Preacher, thanks. I truly appreciate you guys.

A word of advice to all would-be bloggers: do your blogging on that actual day that a topic you’ll be posting happens. Don’t procrastinate.

I had three topics that I wanted to post, but was too lazy and thought of leaving it till another day. Now I don’t have the will to write all three.

Yesterday, while shopping for fish around 900+ with baby, I found this incredibly inconspicuous shop that would soon be my second favorite place in Yishun.

A parrot shop smack in the middle of a few other normal shops. Without a signboard.

Cockatoos, AGs, conures, rumps, macaws, ringnecks, a few songbirds, lovebirds, cockatiel babies weaned and unweaned, budgies, a few other birds and a lovely, lovely rosella. Sweet rosella.

I’m in love with that rosella.

It is such a sweet thing, with its colorful feathers and shy demeanor, it captured my heart. Sweet baby rosella.

Anyone out there who owes me a favor? Here’s your chance to redeem yourself. Hint: I’m in love with that rosella.

Anyway, the shop owner is quite a nice guy, and he seems really sincere with his birds. All his birds are tame and hand-fed, and he really knows his stuff. Unlike some bird shop-keepers I see out there who doesn’t know jack shit about catering to their bird’s wellbeing. All they knew was to feed it, clean it’s cage, give it water, that’s all.

He explains his stuff in detail, about the different breeds of birds. All his birds are so tame that keen customers are able to take them out of their cage to play with them. Most of them already know the standard “Up” signal.

People! Visit that shop sometime when you’re free. It’s located at the block beside the huge fish shop which is beside the housing board office. Block 931. If you’re not from Yishun, ask me and I’ll show you the way.

After a few minutes of sheer happiness from being near those birds, we left for the basketball court at 346. A few irritating girls were there, but I didn’t bother much about them since I didn’t know them.

There was this “vertically inclined” (I call it fat) girl playing there too. I actually had no grudges against this vertically inclined airbag but she said something that made me wish I could prick her with a needle and watch her fly all over the place.

When I went there after lights out with my dog Tracy and lovebird Mika, she squealed and then refused to admit that she was scared of dogs when someone else teased her about it. She went “No lah, it’s just that one shouldn’t bring a dog to the basketball court lor!” very loudly and then immediately shut up because she saw me staring at her. Bitch.

Firstly, don’t fuck around and come to MY territory, and say anything that refers indirectly to me. Because I don’t want to have anything to do with an airbag. Secondly, if you can’t play basketball well, don’t come to MY court and pretend that you’re some critic watching me play. Don’t speak too loudly, particularly no squealing when someone rejects your ball, if you can’t win me. Thirdly, don’t act cute with Charlton and the guys, because you are not.

Stupid airbag.

Back to today.

I went for an interview at Jurong with Corina, the human resource personnel at creative, for the position of an exhibition girl. I GOT THE JOB!! WoohoO~

She was quite nice, and asked me to change into the outfit we’re supposed to be wearing during the IT show. An ultra tight top with a miniskirt. I changed, and when I stepped out of the cubicle she looked me over from top to toe and said “You got the job.”

It was such a morale booster! I could’ve kissed her right there and then.

Imagine. I get the job. In 3 days I make more that what I made in half a month as a waitress. The IT show runs for 4 days. Guess what that means?

I’m not sure what that means either, it’s either the rosella, or a top up of my accounts at BBDC. Oh sure, I’ll be giving half to my mom, but the other half is enough to keep me happy for awhile.

Today was a sweet day.

Such a sweet day.

I wonder if everyday could be as sweet?

Frickin' pissed by someone who thinks the world owes him. He thinks he blardy owns the forum!

Fuckin ass.

I tried to steer clear out of his way but no, he HAD to find a way to shoot at me. Actually, he's just someone who loves to take a potshot at everybody in general except the forum admin. Ass-licking? I think so.

I made a post regarding the slapping incident yesterday, and he just absolutely HAD to come in and judge everyone. No wonder I see so many members using the same line "Don't be too quick to judge if you don't know anything" at him.

He saw one incident, and he judged that both of us are in the wrong. Is he using my post to shoot at his wife? I don't know. From what he said, it was totally uncalled for that I am complaining that my boyfriend is too possessive. That if he controls too much, he is possessive, but if he doesn't control at all, he is not caring.

Haven't you heard of something called moderation, you idiot? It isn't exactly hard to go in between possessivness and totally uncaring. If you are not able to maintain that kind of balance in between, you shouldn't even get married in the first place!

Or are you judging me based on what your own wife says? Newsflash: I Am Not Her. Period. Do I have to explain every simple little thing to you? If I do, then I don't think you have that ability to judge everyone and anyone you see.

If I don't want to disclose the entire story behind that incident out in the open, that is my problem. I have no responsibility whatsoever to tell you the entire series of incidents that lead to it. Therefore, do not be quick to judge BECAUSE YOU DO NOT KNOW ME!

"dowan to say then dun bother to post la"

Meaning to say I have no rights to post whatever is on my mind? I have no rights to choose what to disclose and what to keep to myself? If I don't post, and everybody else doesn't post, then will this be called a forum?

"post liao cannot take the fact that u r as guilty of physical abuse......sigh, u mean this judging?"

Yes, sad to say, this IS considered judging of character. So to speak, I am guilty of physically abusing him ONCE and he of physically abusing me god knows how many times, is that justified?

A man kills an ant, another man kills a human. Do they both carry the same guilt?

"dun post if you do not expect comment and if u only EXPECT supportive posts, kindly STATE IT in your post."

Yes I was expecting comments, perhaps even advice, but I wasn't expecting shooting, flaming and being judged by someone who knows nothing that is happening.

Bloody irritating if you know what I mean.

This just in.

Had an argument with baby today. I have totally realised that we are completely not fit for each other. I mean, we have so much difference between us, we could never be truly happy with each other..

Oh well, we could be happy for awhile, but sooner or later our differences are going to catch up on us.

A digression, if I might be allowed one.

I am going to resist all temptations of complaining about him here because it's not gonna help clear my mind. I need a clear mind to make me steer clear of him because if my mind is full of hatred, I will go back to him once the hatred clears.

I don't want that to happen again.

I need this hatred to go away.

Now, where were we?

Ah, our differences. We have so much differences between us. Our thinking, our upbringing, our way of life. He doesn't get what I mean most of the time, and only adheres to me only because he knows that if he doesn't, I'll be angry.

My family dislikes the way he butts in on every conversation, and the way he controls me. I hate the way he wants to know every single thing in detail, that I have to explain every single little thing to him in detail until he clearly understands it. Even if it was something others consider a norm, he won't know about it until I explain. It sounds funny to you, but it's really tiring for me.

I have always said that guys who hit girls are unchivalrous bastards. I had thought that he was a chivalrous guy, but I thought wrong. He was one of them who thinks nothing of slapping a girl.

I admit it was partly my fault, that I shouldn't have flared up for such a small thing but he should not, under any circumstances AT ALL, slap me back. Now I know for sure that this relationship is over.

Mom says that a guy who hits his girl once, will do it again. I believe her, because this is not the first time I've been hurt by him. I promised myself a long time ago that any guy who even dares to lay a finger on me will not get a second chance at all, period.

But I gave him that chance.

Now I see that was a mistake.

Isn't it wierd how that something that happened in a split second could comepletely turn the tables? One minute we were in a heated argument and the next, he's crying and begging for my forgiveness. One moment I was just angry at him and the next, sheer numbness.

It was as if a gun went off in my head. BAM!

It's also wierd how that a single thing could spark off so many things as well. For one, it sparked off the alarm in my head. Mom got really angry and was really considering bashing him up. My sister was also angry and gathered up the courage to forbid him to come inside the house. If my dad knows about this... I shudder to think.

Perhaps I'll find someone truly right for me some time. Perhaps not. I always fall in love easily.

Far too easily.

death isn't fun, but i'm tired of living

I am a totally worthless piece of ass, a slab of walking meat that's rotting away.

I deserve nothing.

Hell, I don't even want to resolve anything anymore. I don't want to strive anymore. I'm so tired.

Let me die.

Pics from our visit to uncle Ronald's house.


Everybody gathered round to dig in on uncle's famous curry



Look what we had?





eggstabb the popiah aunty



Angel with Rio's milky



Doug and his itchy fingers



The overgrown kid, (he loves this pic)







Gingerhusky with the *beep*



The other overgrown kid



Isn't she beautiful?



The very, very, very high uncanny after four balloons of helium



*Oei, what you doing ar? Stealing my mangoes ar?*



*ya*



The girls having fun with uncle Ronald's mangoes





*mmmmm~!*



The Spread



Candor being caught stealing spilt baileys out of the tray



Very high afterwards



*what're you doing in there?!*

Just to let you guys know that I DO know that I haven't been in to blog religiously. I know. Its just that, sometimes in life you can no longer find the will to do things that may not affect your mood. I know I'm not making sense here but it makes sense to me.

Why is it that I can never get a hold on to how I am feeling? How do I feel now? Numb. I can't describe it. It all makes no sense to me, this madness inside. What's life? Love? Why is it that I feel so numb inside now? Apart from the pain I've been having in my lower abdomen, what else is there left?

Scorpian's dead. Don't ask.

As I go through the motions of life now, I see inches of escape encased within the frivolity of everyday. I could feel the energy surging through within a split second, and then it was gone. How can this be?

Yesterday on the MRT. A playground was seen in the far distance, near a flight of steep stairs. I had this sudden urge to rush over to the playground and throw myself down that flight of stairs. This all happened in a couple of seconds.

Am I going mad? But how can one go mad knowing that she's going mad? There's nothing bothering me now, no stress no nothing, only numbness, but what harm can that do to me?

Only numbness.

I can't do shit. I can't do anything constructive. I don't feel like cramming books into my head for the moment, but I can't find a job either. Mom's having problems with bill again, and where will I be to help her?

I'm a low-life, useless piece of shit.

My friends, they see me as someone always smiling and joking, having the time of her life, but its all a lie. It's all a front so that nobody bothers me about seeing a doctor. What if it's cancer? What if it's worse? It not bothering me anyway, so there's no point musing over it.

My dreams have recently become my reality. Sometimes I can't even differentiate between dreams and reality. I recall things I did in my dreams, yet can't remember things I did in real life. Is that going to be a problem?