Was supposed to update with photos of the reunion dinner and the rounding yesterday, but my mood is in an all-time low after reading lazychoo's old blog posts.

Okay, I guess I asked for it.

But it made me realise a lot of things about him. Why he does what he does. I understand how he feels. But that doesn't justify anything. Anything.

Why am I such an idiot?

I thought I'd have learnt my lesson after ..

The other him.

No explanations, I can only say he's that the first guy I ever truly loved but had to let go because he needed a better future. With someone else.

"You would've made a perfect wife."

I never dared to let myself fall too deep after that, because I was afraid and I knew everything would end up the same again.

Retribution?

I guess you could say that.

There is no future with me. There is no nothing with me. Only pain and suffering.

You could say there is the fun and the laughter, and the love and the happiness, but they all only serve to bring me higher before smashing me back down again.

Into a million tiny little pieces. I can't pick them all up. There's always some lost pieces that keeps coming back to drag me back into depression again.

I can't pick myself up. Again and again.

I tried to, but I cut myself picking up those sharp little pieces of me.

I'm listening to the very same song as he did. The very same song lyrics which he put into his friendster photo caption.

And I feel like crying again. No more tears, please.. please.. please....................

So useless against everything. I can't..

Shit.

I am a granite. I will not falter. No matter how may times you take a blow at me, I may chip, you may take away a part of me, but the rest of me will not falter.

P/S: Thanks Benguin, for chatting with me and cheering me up even as I type out this post. You really are such a sweet big teddy bear.

Thanks to the people who wished me happy birthday AFTER I made that post yesterday. Guess I posted too early, eh?

Thanks Leeling jiejie, Shirong, Ah Lek, Sulin dear, Joanna baby, Sols, Wan, Ray, Xiongzzz, firebird (who thought I was a guy) and Cat. Thanks all!

Anyway, lazychoo took me to Outback for the birthday dinner last night. The steak there was uummm..... GORGEOUS! You should've seen the blood.. Red raw blood.. *salivating* Can't imagine how people live without beef.

Back to work today. Little bit of a tiff in the WLNY forums, but that's just a small fry. That's what's called "healthy banter", wonder why people take it so seriously. Like what, I'm going to get offended because of this? Okay, I actually was because he claimed that Mitos are a waste of money, but other than that I'm not bothered one bit. Having a ball with the flaming in the forum.

Work's settling down. Maybe in another month or so, after I get my license and am able to ride to work myself, I'll get a night job too. Anyone with part-time night jobs after 8pm to introduce?

I love it when Ray calls me baby. So sweet! I love it when Tintin calls me princess too, but I haven't seen him in like, years? Sulin calls me a wide array of sweet names (as I do with her), Joanna calls me baby too while I call her dear, Kegen and I call each other sweets, and I get the occasional affectionate name here and there.

Lazychoo's not going to like this one bit.

Must try to tone down.

Anyway, just went through http://templeofsounds.blogspot.com and realised that this time Melvin really seems to have grown up. He knows what's in a healthy relationship and is already planning to settle down. Wow.

Big difference from the Melvin I used to know. This is a whole new Melvin! Maybe I should pick up a thing or two from him.

It's Friday! We're dropping by Pit Stop for me to pass a couple of miniature bike models to Ray. Anyone passing by give me a shoutout yea?

Today is my birthday! My birthday my birthday!

Big shoutout to those who cared, Jenn, Yuqi, Lex, Vik, DJ, Daniel, fleaz, redname, Kegen sweetie, Roger, Say Chuan, Aris, Hansheng and the receptionist for the company on the 10th floor of my office building.

Not forgetting Mike, who sent a present over the moment he heard my birthday was today. So sweet!

And an unexpected message from someone long ago, whom I didn't think would remember. He remembered. Even after so long he remembered.

Big thanks go out to those who were present at Handle Bar on Saturday, and to both Kawa and Aprilia riders who were with us at the dam last night. And thanks for thinking that I'm 24 this year, DNAdevil and Ben. Thanks a lot ar.

Going for dinner with lazychoo later on after work. Wonder where he'll take me. *excited*

Birthday bash on Saturday night with my old friends and a couple of new friends!

Got a lot of the people I knew in SBF to come down for the gathering.

Redname from lady rider's thread



Aprilia rider Dannis



Aprilia rider Ben



Aprilia rider cum close friend CCS



Aprilia rider com Birthday Boy number 1 Isa



Kawa rider mad Roy



Ex-Mito now Kawa rider Mario



Kawa rider cum secondary schoolmate CK



Kawa riders having dinner on my right,



and Aprilia rider hanging out after dinner on my left (this was supposed to be a candid picture! Stupid ben)



The original WLNY folks who were hiding in one corner



A picture of the place itself



With my best friend Roger cum Birthday Boy number 2 (Birthday girl number 3 is me)



Kawa rider cum WLNY Anthony cum Birthday Boy number 4



The opening of presents..



Ta~Da! I got a pretty necklace!



After dinner, Kawa riders went clubbing and we went rounding to Kent Ridge park





Cute Ben



Roger's bike



Taking a brave stab at being artistic





Testing out each other's bikes



Ben's burnout on his own bike



Ben's burnout on CCS's bike





Bunch of crazy people let loose around a tank (Ben, CCS, me)



who went slightly overboard with their antics (add in one Redname)







Add in one Andrew and a Dannis





"wah, nice bike!"




---------------------------------------------------

By the way, me and Kenny are fine now. Decided not to think so much, nor care so much anymore. So what? I can do the same too.

Jasmine doesn't care. Jasmine doesn't care. Jasmine doesn't care. Jasmine doesn't care.

It's become my mantra everyday. It keeps me sane and takes half the pain away.

I hate it when people take me as an idiot. Even more so if that person is close to me. Like I said, you do whatever you wanna do, but remember that your girlfriend is extremely sensitive (not to mention very sharp).

But like I said, what do I care? She's the one he's supposed to be marrying, and the only thing standing between their happiness now is me. The time-filler until he misses her too much to be kept away from her. Whatever her name is.

Maybe I should cut this short. Let her have him, then. Cut short my own pain as well.

Jasmine has felt pain beyond reason, to love a man who has someone else in his heart. Yet to act as if she does not know anything and to continue loving him.

No more. I don't need anyone anymore.

No more explainations for her actions, Jasmine's going bad.

Not really sure how to start this blog today. Have left this window open for more than half an hour already.

Got really touched by two of the most unexpected people to say what they said. Thanks for showing you care and appreciate me, Little Nicky and bro Vik. Those words mean more to me than you'll ever know.

Watched Howl's Moving Castle on VCD last night with my sister. People who understand Chinese, GO GET IT! People who don't, you'll have to wait for awhile til the English version comes out. Currently there are only imports from Hongkong, which means the subtitles are in Chinese.

AWESOME SHOW! WATCH IT PEOPLE!

Will not divulge anything here to spoil the show for everyone, but I can say that it is by far the best japanese animation I've ever seen. Not much for the effects, but the storyline and the portrayal are AWESOME!

Went shopping with my sister today. Loads of people and families milling around.

One of the reasons I don't like going to crowded places are because of the perverts. I got molested twice today. Men are such dirty, dirty things. I talked to my sister about it and we came to the same conclusion: There's no such thing as a good man. There's always something wrong with every single one.

She stopped caring because you really were not caring. She has changed her thinking about the future. She has changed her thinking about everything.

Got a good haul from today's shopping, look what I've got:

Stuff from Daiso @ IMM







From U2, the top:



The top with a denim jacket, also from U2:





These are from ERO:





Guys, this last piece is worth EVERY SINGLE DAMN CENT. It was so unbelievably sexy on me that I started drooling at myself in the mirror. Get one for your girlfriends now, DAMMIT!

Not really in a good mood now, I'm surprise I can even make myself post these up.

Forget about me, just forget about me. I'm not important to you anyway. Oh wait, I remember that I'm not supposed to care. I'm not supposed to even be nice.

Hm.. on second thoughts, I believe I will still be nice. But only to those who deserve it. I will do unto you what you do unto me. If you find that I do not care about you, you probably do not deserve it. If I do care about you, better start counting your blessings. Because without reciprocation, I will stop caring because too many godamn people take me for granted.

No more miss nice Jazzyme.

Remember the circus monkeys I talked about a couple of posts before?

There's a reason that they are called circus monkeys. Just to clock posts, they can actually not care about image and behave like kids in front of the whole forum.

And the sad thing is, they don't know when to stop. You can actually see when the other people around are getting sick of seeing our argument, and I stopped. But they wanted to continue clocking posts, so they continued.

I was arguing with one at first, that one cried out for help and this other guys came in and made it his personal business. Kinda' like faggot brothers, aren't they?

Really childish posts. Not that I expected anything better of them, but seeing as to one is already in NUS, I thought maybe one of them had a brain. No wonder I thought the word "noob" familiar, first and last time I heard it was during my time at Bistro21, where I entertained a bunch NUS/SMU/NTU students.

But no, I can actually see that both has no brain. Wonder if their teachers had a hard time vomitting blood when they taught those thick-heads.

How come some people have no life? To bring something that happened in the forum into your personal life, make it a personal thing and devote youe time to it, I can see that both of you really have no life.

Poor things.

You are forgiven on the account that you're both poor circus monkeys with no life.

On second thought, you're both not forgiven. There will come a day when both of you regret you ever laughed at me. Just wait and see who's going to have the last laugh.

Anyway, just a quick update, got stabbed in the back by my dear friend Ant, back with his lovely knife again. Thanks again boy, you made me lose trust in people again. You're still a friend, of course, but I don't really like talking to people who hide knifes in their sleeves.

And anyway, one of the thick-heads said something about a blog being common. Like yea, we can all see that you're jealous of people with blogs because both you and your darling brother have a horrible command of the English language, to the point where you're actually confusing everyone else with what you say.

You really want to compare what's common? What's common is that bike you're riding now. Ultra common. Whilst you can't find mine just anywhere. You still want to compare?

And secondly, since you find blogs common, then why are you reading mine? Blogs are common, yes, but its the way you blog that makes it uncommon. You nitwits.

Going everywhere in SBF giving dark hints about the argument is also not going to do you good. Might as well just say it straight out, that you're laughing at people who haven't got their licence just like you used to be. See what the other forumers say to that.

Anyway, I can't believe I'm actually blogging in the middle of the day, sitting in my office at my desk while my workload is piling up. Well not actually, it's just a meagre amount.

It's FRIDAY! Now where shall we go?

Finally, a little peace and quiet, and a night free to blog.

Got caught up in the whirl of bikes, bikes, bikes and more bikes on Monday night. It started off as a couple, then a group, then two groups, then three and four. End up there were more than 40 bikes parked together along the stretch at Lower Seletar. The WLNY group, the SBF tok cock group, Kawa group, __Ride__ group, and last but not least the Aprilia group. Not to mention the 2-3 cars that tagged along for fun.

I almost couldn't believe it, every single car that was passing by slowed down to gawk at us. Very, very nice feeling.

Can't wait to take my baby out to join the group.

Got to know more of the SBF people whom I usually don't talk to at the outing. They're a friendly bunch. Was kinda' scared to talk to them in the forum at first, but now that I've met them, it's easier to talk freely.

Am so touched that Angel from MOP (HI!) remembers me. At least someone remembers me. At a loss for words now.

Having a little bout of depression these few days. Don't really know why. Don't be surprised if you get a friendly little message from me.

Jasmine went nuts. No more, no more. Stay away.

Where has the real Jasmine gone to? She's ran away, far far away from all this mess. What's she gotten herself into?

I talked to Dante Mito just now for a short while before coming home. I told him all my problems, and he just sat there, listening. Being such a good boy. And then he told me something that I'm probably going to heed.

He told me to smile, to smile when it hurt and to mean it. To mean it so that it doesn't hurt as much. I didn't care. It didn't hurt. I smiled the day away. And I smiled. And smiled. And smiled.

Had so much to say in here during ramdom thoughts at intervals of the day, but as I sit here typing away, I feel as though they're not that important anyway. Nothing's important to me anymore. I can't care anymore.

Nobody can be trusted. Nobody. Only my animals, and my precious baby Mito. Nobody else.

Dum de dum..

Got sick of reading depressing things once I open my blog, yet having a headache so bad that I can't really think clearly, so I'm posting a meaningless post tonight.

Things are fine and dandy between me and Atom now, we're buddies again.

Things are still going fine between me and lazychoo, and I hope to keep it that way. I'm thinking maybe I should change my attitude and then see if there's any changes in him too.

Did a lot of self reflection these few days. Lost my temper a lot during the self reflection thing, but I'm better now. I think I can control myself better these few days, or at least until my next PMS.

Lazychoo and wangfh are now both somewhere up north, travelling at high speeds in the dark with a group of bikes. They're going to Kulai for supper. Nothing much is there, but I believe this trip is more for the journey than the destination.

My birthday's coming up and WARNING to all: If you forgot my birthday, you can continue forgetting about it. No point having me remind you and getting something meaningless at the last minute, or a no-sincerity happy birthday message.

I would rather you not say anything than to say things you don't mean. I would rather you told me straight that you don't care than to pretend to be caring. I would rather you forget about the whole thing than to rush out and get something meaningless. I would rather you not make promises than to break every single promise you make.

Headache! Saw a couple of Aprilias and Mitos today. Sweet.

There's something bugging me.

In my last post, I talked about them kids who ganged up on me right? They laughed at me for not having a licence like them and called me an animal and all that yadda yadda.

What irked me was that, although Anthony being their friend had no wrong, but he totally pretended to see nothing (as did boborider, but that's a different thing altogether). Guess its not that bad, considering that he's stuck in the middle. He doesn't want to speak up for me, that's fine.

BUT, when he called lazychoo out to discuss the thing without me, and gets lazychoo to talk to me about my attitude, I get pissed off. Why?

Well in the first place, he didn't stand up for me as a friend. When he pretended not to see them shooting and flaming me, I expected him to pretend nothing happened. I did NOT expect him to act like a coward and get a message to me through a medium.

Why did I call him a coward? Well, if he spoke up for me, or if he told me face to face instead of getting lazychoo out to meet him in the middle of the night without me to talk about me, then its ok. But he didn't. That means he doesn't treat me as a friend.

Warning: for all those who did NOT see the thread/pretended not to see, then go on not seeing/pretending not to see. Don't talk to me about it.

When you don't treat me as a friend, don't expect me to treat you as a friend. When you talk to me through a medium, it irks me. When you find that I talk to you through a medium, that's when I stop considering you to be a friend.

Also, don't tell me that which I already know. I know how they feel, I know how why they feel what they feel. Do not treat me as a kid who knows nothing.

I did what I did, I didn't go with the flow nor "follow the trend" because I chose not to. If, let's say, this certain public thread contains kids who think by having a loud attitude or by using vulgarities or by putting others down means winning, then by going in and saying something against the trend does not mean I am in the wrong.

It is a forum, and in my dictionary a forum means a place for the free expression of opinions. There is no line between wrong and right, no winning or losing. I can continue on trying to reason with them unreasonable people. A forum is not a place where people form gangs and use their ties of friendship to ask others to stop their friend from expressing their opinions.

Which is what's happening now. Someone, using friendship ties through a medium to stop me from saying what I want to say in a forum that is supposed to be public. Asking me to stop because "they're his friends", letting me take the brunt of the attacks and asking me to give in after I've already stopped trying to reason with those kids.

You call that a friend?

The world is turning too fast.. I need a place to hide away.

Hide me away.

Note: post-PMS mood.

Don't worry, usually the period of time before and during my "time of the month" I am in a horrible mood. But after that, I don't feel all that pent-up anger anymore. Usually.

Can't say much for this month though, because of little kids in a certain bike forum calling me a pig and ganging up on me just because they could. Laughing at me and calling me a noob because I don't have a licence yet and they have. Hey kids, guess what? Nobody uses the word "noob" except nerds and people who have such low self-confidence that they have to put others down to make themselves feel better!

Kids these days... *massages her temples* Can't believe their level of intelligence. If I'd known better I wouldn't have even posted in the forum they claimed to be their own. But hey, I was bored, I needed some form of entertainment from circus monkeys or low-intelligence idiots who are so going to eat their hats when I get free enough to launch full attack on them.

And they claim to be Anthony's GOOD friends, in the same tiko clan or whatever rubbish clan they have. Oh ya, when I thanked Anthony in my last post, I forgot to thank him for the BLOODY KNIFE IN MY BACK. Thanks boy, lovely knife you got there. I swear to god I'm going to slap either one of them when I meet them in person.

Oh shit, I'm acting like Mr D.

Anyway, kids aside, we're going to First Motors this weekend! My dear baby's gonna get fixed up and running just in time for me. We also mass ordered a SBF polo tee, me, lazychoo, wangfh81, and atom87. Wonder when it will come. Hmm..

Had a long talk with my mom just now. We have that kind of talk occasionally, when we feel that we've getting too far apart. Talked about me, talked about lazychoo, talked more about lazychoo and she kind of pulled my focus back together. Will not reveal anything here but what she said made me look back and think. I need to pull myself together and stay strong.

I will make the distance. We will make it together.

Anyway, both the kawa outing pics and the sentosa pics are out. Which one shall I post first?

Sentosa!

Crazy ass mofos that is Onn and Hock. Gabby's toned down his craziness so he wasn't having much fun in these pictures.





Can't help it.. this I have to laugh..



Two of my besties, homies, whatever you call 'em, Onn and Wilson



Another one of my bestie,



Hock.



Alias tortoise/dinosaur, whichever way you look at it.



End sentosa pictures *cue dramatic drawing of curtains*. Start kawa outing pictures! Due to the fact that our photographer of the day took excess photos of basically the same thing, I will only post those interesting enough to make it in my blog.

That's CK, Anna, lazychoo and me (left to right. No, your other left.)



Some guy, some guy, Anthony and his gay monkey.



Hey, wasn't he a kawa supporter?



Group photo!



Bike group photo!



Okay, not interested in the other photos. Muahaha. So bite me.