I smashed my fist into the wall today
... as I came out of Lazychoo's house to go home.
I couldn't help it.
The pain it brought, although temporary, was a relief. Nothing much though, just a scraped knuckle.
Maybe it's really time to re-evaluate this relationship. The holes I can pretend to fill, but the faster I run the harder they caught up to me. I'd like to be like him too, running away from the questions.
Don't tell me to think about the future and bear with the pain for now, I already am thinking about the future and that's what's causing all this pain.
Because I see no future. And you of all people knows best why.
I feel like crying for all the weirdest reasons, and lucky for me I manage to control myself when I'm in front of other people.
I don't want to go overseas with you anymore. I don't want to try new things with you anymore. I don't want to buy a set of couple shirts anymore. I don't want your promises anymore.
I need to decide if this is really what I want for my life.
I read his blog just now and I really feel like shooting him. But on second thoughts, I'd rather not, seeing as he's just being the judgemental himself and if I don't like it I can leave instead of trying to change him.
He's just being him.
I've given advices to many people before, saying that their partners are just being themselves. They have no right to want to change the way their partners are. Either they accept it or leave.
Now I'm going to use this for myself.
Do I, or do I not? Ok, I rephrase. Can I, or can I not?
I guess I'll have to think for a few days. We'll see what the outcome is.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Gaping big holes
That are still not filled and can never be filled. Forcing myself to sink back into pretending not to know again.
"This relationship is dying, right?"
I don't know. I seriously don't know.
No woman should ever have to go through the pain of seeing her loved one's wedding photos.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Can't say I remember much to blog about, but at least I have pictures.
Miscellaneous pictures from my handphone,
Zeke's '06 RS125 going at 188km/h.
If you believe I can take that you'd believe anything.
My baby's first time being serviced by anyone other that my cute mech Lionel.
Aprilian brothers and yellow Mito brother and sister.
The license plate bro Vik's been looking for.
For Vik.
Crazy people playing with Samuel's Doraemon helmet.
Lazychoo + ice-cream
Alexander2004
Awfully cute little thing found in Great World City's pet shop
The cute little kitty who accompanied me when I was alone at the dam doing some thinking.
She jumped and frolicked around me but always stayed out of reach. Really cute.
This doggie came after the kitty ran off to chase some imaginery butterfly. He laid down beside me and demanded to be petted.
They cheered me up. So people who goes to the dam often, treat them nice, ok? Bring doggie and kitty food or something.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mito club shirt printed by Lawrence.
People who need printing for shirts, ask me about Lawrence.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Since the small picture hiatus, Lazychoo's caught another two babies for me.
From the same machine he caught our Tiny the kitty with, comes baby piglet,
And Tiny the kitty number 2.
Aren't they sweet?
And while we're on the subject of things Lazychoo's gotten for me, here's a little something that I'm in love with.
They're absolutely exquisite! And cheap too. We were wandering around in Turf City when this caught my eye. I asked the shop owner for it and Lazychoo paid for them.
I know you girls are going, "So what? My so-and-so gets things for me all the time, what's so bloggable about it?". It's just that Lazychoo doesn't get things for me often, so they're very precious to me.
So there.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How my new computer came about
The good thing about having a computer technician (short for computer bao ga liao) as a boyfriend is that you can have an almost non-existant knowledge of computers and still have a very good computer.
In addition to my new furnitures, comes my new computer. The following pictures depicts the piecing together of my computer, but since I don't know what piece is for what I won't be able to give comments.
They do look colourful though.
The master at work.
The boxes of unpacked stuff + one very curious dog.
Closeup of the curious baby,
The empty casing (not for long).
What's this? Graphic card or something.
Fixing the *ahem* something.
This is the *ahem* something. Or something. Whichever.
Colourful.
This I know! This is the FAN!
The something something.
The master knows what he's doing.
This is a box. That's all I know.
This was what's inside the box. I think.
Even the master needs the instruction manual.
Thou shalt not be called a master unless thou hast blurry hands because thou pieced them together ever so fast.
The composition is done!
See-thru window for me to put neon lights at my whim!
Lazychoo making final adjustments,
And voila~
The place where I sit at this very moment, blogging.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What happens when you tell Jazzy that you're coming over now and she's all prepared waiting for you and you're still not here after half an hour?
She plays with her camera. And posts everything online.
The $3.95 visor from mini toons.
Visor off.
Sshh!
Taking the focus off myself,
Sharing the focus again,
After having nothing else to take pictures of, and after rolling about in my bed for awhile, he finally came.
Finally.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Family dinner at a Thai sharkfin restaurant last night
Pictures. Mostly of me camwhoring la, so if you're bored look elsewhere.
My newest and youngest cousin, Yu Xin (I forgot her English name).
Her cute sister, Xin Yi (Cindy).
El Mama and el daughter,
going crazy.
El sisters.
Wahey~ (No, we're not drunk. We didn't even drink).
Now that's she's learnt how to make ugly faces,
It's time to have fun!
We had fun.
.
More camwhoring expeditions next time!
That are still not filled and can never be filled. Forcing myself to sink back into pretending not to know again.
"This relationship is dying, right?"
I don't know. I seriously don't know.
No woman should ever have to go through the pain of seeing her loved one's wedding photos.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Can't say I remember much to blog about, but at least I have pictures.
Miscellaneous pictures from my handphone,
Zeke's '06 RS125 going at 188km/h.
If you believe I can take that you'd believe anything.
My baby's first time being serviced by anyone other that my cute mech Lionel.
Aprilian brothers and yellow Mito brother and sister.
The license plate bro Vik's been looking for.
For Vik.
Crazy people playing with Samuel's Doraemon helmet.
Lazychoo + ice-cream
Alexander2004
Awfully cute little thing found in Great World City's pet shop
The cute little kitty who accompanied me when I was alone at the dam doing some thinking.
She jumped and frolicked around me but always stayed out of reach. Really cute.
This doggie came after the kitty ran off to chase some imaginery butterfly. He laid down beside me and demanded to be petted.
They cheered me up. So people who goes to the dam often, treat them nice, ok? Bring doggie and kitty food or something.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mito club shirt printed by Lawrence.
People who need printing for shirts, ask me about Lawrence.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Since the small picture hiatus, Lazychoo's caught another two babies for me.
From the same machine he caught our Tiny the kitty with, comes baby piglet,
And Tiny the kitty number 2.
Aren't they sweet?
And while we're on the subject of things Lazychoo's gotten for me, here's a little something that I'm in love with.
They're absolutely exquisite! And cheap too. We were wandering around in Turf City when this caught my eye. I asked the shop owner for it and Lazychoo paid for them.
I know you girls are going, "So what? My so-and-so gets things for me all the time, what's so bloggable about it?". It's just that Lazychoo doesn't get things for me often, so they're very precious to me.
So there.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How my new computer came about
The good thing about having a computer technician (short for computer bao ga liao) as a boyfriend is that you can have an almost non-existant knowledge of computers and still have a very good computer.
In addition to my new furnitures, comes my new computer. The following pictures depicts the piecing together of my computer, but since I don't know what piece is for what I won't be able to give comments.
They do look colourful though.
The master at work.
The boxes of unpacked stuff + one very curious dog.
Closeup of the curious baby,
The empty casing (not for long).
What's this? Graphic card or something.
Fixing the *ahem* something.
This is the *ahem* something. Or something. Whichever.
Colourful.
This I know! This is the FAN!
The something something.
The master knows what he's doing.
This is a box. That's all I know.
This was what's inside the box. I think.
Even the master needs the instruction manual.
Thou shalt not be called a master unless thou hast blurry hands because thou pieced them together ever so fast.
The composition is done!
See-thru window for me to put neon lights at my whim!
Lazychoo making final adjustments,
And voila~
The place where I sit at this very moment, blogging.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What happens when you tell Jazzy that you're coming over now and she's all prepared waiting for you and you're still not here after half an hour?
She plays with her camera. And posts everything online.
The $3.95 visor from mini toons.
Visor off.
Sshh!
Taking the focus off myself,
Sharing the focus again,
After having nothing else to take pictures of, and after rolling about in my bed for awhile, he finally came.
Finally.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Family dinner at a Thai sharkfin restaurant last night
Pictures. Mostly of me camwhoring la, so if you're bored look elsewhere.
My newest and youngest cousin, Yu Xin (I forgot her English name).
Her cute sister, Xin Yi (Cindy).
El Mama and el daughter,
going crazy.
El sisters.
Wahey~ (No, we're not drunk. We didn't even drink).
Now that's she's learnt how to make ugly faces,
It's time to have fun!
We had fun.
.More camwhoring expeditions next time!
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