It's Just That...


Life has been so much better since you were "gone". I just don't want things to go back to the way they were.

You sounded sincere in your SMS to me. I almost believed you. But when I compared your SMS to me and your SMS to him, I wondered where all the real sincerity went. You're just apologizing to an object, not a human being, still being two-faced.

It's like a mother bringing a kid to the temple, and the kid in his playfulness kicks a statue of a deity. The mother tells the kid to "say sorry" or else she won't bring him out the next time, and the kid goes "Sooooorryyyy Miiiis-ter Deeeeiiii-ty" to the tone of our "Gooooood Mooor-liing Teeeacher" while absolutely not meaning it.



You knew that there would be a higher percentage of me showing that SMS to him, so you kept it as neat and as gracious as possible. But that message was ultimately meant for him (because you told him before you sent it to me that you were sure I'd show it to him, so that he would subconsciously want to see it), so that he can see what a kind and gracious *ahem*ahem* person you are.

Guess what? It backfired. It's between you and me, not him.

You also chided yet another person before you sent the SMS to me. Chided person, I believe you know who you are. So this means it takes yet another person to replace my place for you to resent before you can take the initiative to rectify the situation between you and me?

Many a times I've wanted to call you out without the Lazy to talk, because I wanted to make him happy and as you keep stressing, "for (his) sake". I even got your number from his phone. But time and time again you make me back out on that decision, even asking him out, specifically telling him that you wanted him only to go for dinner with you, no me allowed. Of which I allowed to happen and didn't make a fuss out of, but didn't happen because that day happened to fall on my cousin's birthday and we had to attend the party, but you took it as I disallowed the meeting. And then you asked for his e-mail address so you can contact him, insinuating at the same time that I would pretend to be him on his MSN to control his communications.

So yeah. I wasn't going to get angry at the beginning of this post. But as it progressed I remembered all the things you've done to us as a couple, and I couldn't help it.

Whether or not I SMS you back, or even meet you up for coffee to see if you are "sufficiently sincere", it doesn't matter. Because your reply to me and actions toward him will tell me otherwise.

It's not just about words. It's about actions. Your actions must tally with your words, and you mustn't play mind games with him because I know it when you are, and nothing makes me angrier than people treating Lazy like an idiot.