Sunday, February 01, 2009

Out Of Excuses


And finally I am out of excuses to tell myself about you.

And finally I am starting to feel something other than anger.

I am starting to hurt. And with this hurt, comes revelation of why I've been feeling disgruntled, shortchanged, and unfair all these while that we haven't been talking.

When one does something wrong, one admits it, apologises for it, and asks what one can do to make things better.

Not confront the other party when the other party is sad, and quarrel with the other party for telling you the reason why she is sad. This will cause her to not want to tell you why she is sad in future. There are some grounds on which you can refuse to admit fault and argue about it. There are some that you cannot. This is one of the times you cannot.

So on top of all the other shit that make me angry, on top of am-I-or-aren't-I, on top of having waited for you for 5 hours directly before you finally contacted me, I'm supposed to hold my temper and let you go about nonchalently? And all because apparently you were stressed out at your family gathering, you take it out on me?

What's so hard about admitting, apologising, and asking? Everytime you refuse apology and insist on talking, I end up technically losing because you will find all the reasons and excuses in the world to defend yourself. You also manipulate my love for you, to make my heart soft for you by complaining of this and that bother, this and that stress.

Who's the one who should be stressed out here?

I haven't been saying this for quite awhile, but you've been taking me for granted. Just because you spend time with me, doesn't mean I don't need pampering, or holiday trips, or to be treated like a special, beloved girlfriend. Doesn't count if I needed to nag for those things.

No, I am treated like any common girl. Any one of those who would be contented with an unfulfilling relationship, easy to pacify with gifts and would shut up if you just throw money at her. No surprises, menial, monotonous.

No fucking way.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Why don't you set yourself free and look for someone else better. Time passes very fast. Don't waste your time further.

Anonymous said...

Why are u wasting your time with him. Find a better bf ba..

feathers said...

Anything to do with different love language? And perhaps you would like to read the book on "How loving couples fight" that I bought sometime back? I find that it helps and through it I understand our fights a lot better. However it is the best that two of you read, I'm the only one reading in my case, but it still help control the fights.

? said...

Sometime, loving a person is also about loving his or her flaw. Try to remember what is it that make u want to be together with him in the first place.

Everyone has his or her problem and the most important thing is to talk abt it.

Anonymous said...

But we cant advise solely on the info of story from one side

? said...

Tat is why i never say anything abt looking for someone better but rather see things positively on the very reason why 2 ppl decided to get together in the first place.

The rest and the problem encountered are all the process of getting to know one another better.

Anonymous said...

If a shirt has lots of crease,you iron them out 1 by 1. you may take some time but in the end u have a creaseless and comfortable shirt to wear.

but on the other hand if u have a shirt whereby the crease n wrinkles are impossible to iron out. wld you like to wear it for the rest of your life and be uncomfortable with it?

maybe unless you don't mind then it shld be fine.

don't feel or think i am encouraging you to break up.it just something for you to ponder abt. wishing u best for year 2009 in your relationship and whatever u do.