Unfulfilling


You just need money. Lots of money to keep you happy. You don't need a fulfilling relationship. If you had money you'd be in an unfulfilling marriage now. Just-throw-money-at-her-and-she'll-shut-up kind of marriage.

You just need a rainbow to chase, any rainbow, to take you away from the here and the now. You spend your life chasing rainbows and doing what other people tell you to do, composing yourself of what people tell you to be.

Au contraire, I don't need the money. I need to fulfillment. I don't want to be stuck in a stagnant place, where nothing out of the ordinary happens. Even Harvest Moon is less monotonous than this, and Harvest Moon is the most monotonous game I've played.

We spend the days facing our seperate computers or handheld devices, no longer talking. You used to be so sweet, texting me several times a day, even when you're busy. Now you don't bother to until you're coming back and want me to open the door for you.

I guess the texting me a lot and making me feel loved part was because there was the threat of me leaving you for someone else. I was this close to leaving you. When there is no prospect of me leaving, you go back to being stagnant. So, in order to feel loved, I should threaten to leave every few months?

Not that I actually care anymore. All this up down up down, I seriously can't be bothered to even care if you're texting me anymore, much less care about the quality time we're spending together (i.e. none). I am not a balloon, you know. When I want to fly, you hold on to the string tightly. A few days later, when I run out of helium and just hover a few inches above the ground, you let go of the string and leave me to hover aimlessly, knowing that I can never fly again.

If you don't quite care about the fulfillment, neither shall I. I shan't keep my mind in check, I'll probably just let it wander until it reaches wherever it finds fulfillment.

So ... yeah. Back to square........ ah whatever.