Society's Bitch
.... NOT.
Why I am pissed off with society and it's teachings.
Men = Good.
Women = Bad.
Because I am born a woman, I have to change surname and leave my family who raised and nurtured me and attach myself to another family who is less close and couldn't care less about me. Because he is born a man, he gets to keep his surname and has society's blessing to say that he has the right to refuse to move in with the female's family, and insist that she move in with his.
Pretty pissed off when the person closest to me actually said that he felt that it is NOT ok for a married couple to be staying with the female's parents, but it is ok for a married couple to be staying with the male's parents.
Just because society dictates so, should you become a rat and join in the race? Just because men are physically stronger than women, which in the early ages they took advantage of and overpowered women into submission, should we as women continue letting society fuck us in the ass?
Who the bleeding hell said that marriage should include both families and that the woman should leave her family and attach herself to serve her husband and his family? It was this kind of thinking that made people in China throw away their just-born female babies and leave them to die, or sell them.
Who the hell dictated the change of surnames? Who the hell, somewhere in ancient Chinese culture, dictated that the male should lead? Obviously, it is a man. A fucking sexist man.
If you want to base it on nature and animals, there are plenty of matriarchal families in the animal kingdom too. Pretty strong and big ones like elephants and orcas, and others like meerkats, lemurs, the likes. Also, if you want to compare with nature, aren't we already an evolved society? Should we really still be relying on nature to compare ourselves with? Are we no better than animals?
I have always been strong on my stand on the war between the sexes, and with the direction the Chinese society is going, I am obviously at the losing end.
So what the fuck is wrong with the "cannot permanantly stay at the female's parent's house, but can permanently stay at the male's parent's house" thing? For one, it's what society programmed you to think, and you just lie down there and open your legs and take it.
Logically, if you take away society's dictation, IF a married couple has to stay at either one's parent's house, it should be at the one where they feel most comfortable at, NOT at the one that they feel uncomfortable at. Whether it's the male's or the female's house is imperative.
You are both at equal footing. But because your's is a boy, and my mom's was a girl, you stand to gain everything, and we stand to lose everything.
Do you know the Western culture's way of life on the topic of marriage? If you marry a Western man, you get to
- Get a house of your own. Even if you don't, you get chased out of your parent's house.
- Call your parents-in-law by their name.
- Nobody interferes with the way you raise your kid.
- No reunion dinners. Even if there is, you are free to go your way, I go mine.
Before it gets offensive, I'll wrap it up.
Personally, I feel that if I get married, I am not marrying INTO the family. I am just marrying their son, doesn't mean I accept them as my family, and vice-versa. When I asked the person just now why he feels it is unacceptable to stay at the female's parent's house after marriage, he said that because he is not marrying into that family what, she is marrying into his.
So yes, for me, I am making my stand against this thinking right now. Society dictated this thinking, I am not taking it lying down.
Someone once told me that 90% of the masses will lie down and take it with their legs wide open. I CHOOSE to be one of the 10% who won't, and doesn't take it lying down. I CHOOSE to be part of the esteemed 10% who chooses to change the world through actions, even if the other 90% of society is against me.
It now depends on whether I am alone in this fight.
And apparently I am.
3 comments:
You can always use your surname for your future kids via a lawyer provided with the consent of the kid's biological father.
You can chose not to adopt your husband's surname with a Ms. in front of your maiden name. Do it.
If that will improve the essence and happiness of your marriage, go ahead.
Yes, thank you for your not-very-sarcastic comment. Your advice comes in handy should I decide to marry him in future.
It's really not as bad. I'm still Ms April 99.9% of the time, nobody ever call me Mrs Chin other than on blessings for our wedding. I am the 90% who take it lying down. I feel happy that the marriage gave me a bigger family, I feel happy adopting his surname and I will be happy that my children take his surname too. Infact, I happily write his name as the master of the house for every single thing (except bank accounts and house ownership, haha!!)
Marriage is far more than names and living arrangements and if we are to think about all the tiny details right down to "whether the clothes hangers in the new house should look more like the ones in the girl's place or the guy's place", the comparison will never end.
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