Been writing lots of poems. (Note: still in bad mood mode so everything will be curt.)

Posted these in WLNY forum. Not pleased to show you another side of the relationship, but these are really how I feel.

Supression

Why is she still here
When I am in your room?
Her presence fills every corner
Her clothes
Her bags
Her shoes
Her makeup
All left as they were the day she was gone.
Have I not taken up the emptiness that she left behind?
Have I not done enough for you to love me wholly as someone different from her?
You said it was because of laziness
I did not pursue
But how lazy can one get to hurt the one he loves?
Excuses
Excuses
I don't want no excuses
It hurts deeply every time I step into your room
Every single time
It cuts like a blade deep into my already bleeding heart
Hast thou no conscience?
But I suppress
And I suppress
The hurt that I feel inside
Is exploding.

BOOM!

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Unwhispered Resignation

A movie that went by unattended
A kiss that did not linger
A hug that reeked of habit
It was all groomed to perfection by her.

What I'd prefer when we meet:
A great big grin
A teddy bear hug
A passionate kiss
A "How was you day, dear?"

Instead, what I got was:
A nod of acknowledgement
A hint of a smile
The briefest of touches on my hip
And off you go to chitter-chatter enthusiastically with our friends.

What a good impression.

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A Jumble Of Thoughts

Don't tell me your past,
It is the present I care about.
Don't let me know how much you loved her,
It is how much you love me that I want to know.
How could it be that I feel resignation inside?
How could it be that I feel desolation inside?
This is not an emotional rollar coaster ride,
And yet I feel the ups and the downs
Every single day.

Like the hard surface of the mountainous granite
All rough and dark and cold.
My heart.
But with a single pinprick
Blood seeps like a freshly slaughtered lamb
Screaming and kicking and holding on for dear life
Oh the bittersweet trajectory of being the girl so easily gotten!
"得不到的女人，永远最好"

I didn't want to know, don't let me know
I'd rather live in my own world of fantasy
I just want to hollar and scream
"I DON"T WANT TO KNOW!"

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Depression

They say that when you cry all the time it's depression
They say that when you feel suicidal it's depression
They say that when you feel as if the world has nothing left for you
It's Depression.

They didn't say if its depression when you can't cry
Because tears don't come no matter how hard you try.
They didn't say if its depression when you can't scream
When your voice is all but gone and you can do nothing.

They didn't say if its depression when you know what's wrong
But can do nothing about it.
It's out of your control, out of your reach.
When all has been spilled out, yet everything is still inside
When no matter how hard you try, nothing seem to matter
Nothing seems to matter to him.