Was supposed to update with photos of the reunion dinner and the rounding yesterday, but my mood is in an all-time low after reading lazychoo's old blog posts.

Okay, I guess I asked for it.

But it made me realise a lot of things about him. Why he does what he does. I understand how he feels. But that doesn't justify anything. Anything.

Why am I such an idiot?

I thought I'd have learnt my lesson after ..

The other him.

No explanations, I can only say he's that the first guy I ever truly loved but had to let go because he needed a better future. With someone else.

"You would've made a perfect wife."

I never dared to let myself fall too deep after that, because I was afraid and I knew everything would end up the same again.

Retribution?

I guess you could say that.

There is no future with me. There is no nothing with me. Only pain and suffering.

You could say there is the fun and the laughter, and the love and the happiness, but they all only serve to bring me higher before smashing me back down again.

Into a million tiny little pieces. I can't pick them all up. There's always some lost pieces that keeps coming back to drag me back into depression again.

I can't pick myself up. Again and again.

I tried to, but I cut myself picking up those sharp little pieces of me.

I'm listening to the very same song as he did. The very same song lyrics which he put into his friendster photo caption.

And I feel like crying again. No more tears, please.. please.. please....................

So useless against everything. I can't..

Shit.

I am a granite. I will not falter. No matter how may times you take a blow at me, I may chip, you may take away a part of me, but the rest of me will not falter.

P/S: Thanks Benguin, for chatting with me and cheering me up even as I type out this post. You really are such a sweet big teddy bear.