Leeling jiejie in all her beauty.
Leeling jiejie and my brother-in-law Jonathan
Stop asking me for her number! She's married!
And here's sweet baby Cash asleep after climbing about.
"What're you lookin' at?"
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Duh..
I've found out that I should NOT blog after I come back from work. I tried that last night and all that came out was gibberish, so I deleted the entire thing.
Guess my mind's too jumbled up with all that alcohol in my system.
Last night wasn't so bad. In fact, I had a better time last night than on Monday. I met these nice people, people like Bob from Texas, Joe from California, Sreeram from India, and Johnny from Hongkong.
There were people from Monday who came back last night. Like Simon and Edward. Edward even called and asked if I was around before coming over. Such a nice feeling!
I opened another two bottles last night, and Hazel was so happy with me. She hinted that she's looking to replace this other GRO, Amy, and that my chances are looking up.
Got a little drunk halfway through, so I switched to plain water for the rest of the night. Learnt a few card and dice games from Hazel last night. Luckily, I pick things up fast, so I didn't have to drink so much.
As I put on my makeup yesterday, a tear silently slid down my cheek. I don't know why, I wasn't even feeling sad or anything. It just happened. It smeared my mascara, leaving a trail of darkness where it fell.
As I looked into the mirror, I see a face. A meticulously painted face, each brush and stroke painted with care. A crack, emitting from the eye trailing all the way down spoils everything.
The girl with the broken painted face.
Maggie mee for lunch again.
I've found out that I should NOT blog after I come back from work. I tried that last night and all that came out was gibberish, so I deleted the entire thing.
Guess my mind's too jumbled up with all that alcohol in my system.
Last night wasn't so bad. In fact, I had a better time last night than on Monday. I met these nice people, people like Bob from Texas, Joe from California, Sreeram from India, and Johnny from Hongkong.
There were people from Monday who came back last night. Like Simon and Edward. Edward even called and asked if I was around before coming over. Such a nice feeling!
I opened another two bottles last night, and Hazel was so happy with me. She hinted that she's looking to replace this other GRO, Amy, and that my chances are looking up.
Got a little drunk halfway through, so I switched to plain water for the rest of the night. Learnt a few card and dice games from Hazel last night. Luckily, I pick things up fast, so I didn't have to drink so much.
As I put on my makeup yesterday, a tear silently slid down my cheek. I don't know why, I wasn't even feeling sad or anything. It just happened. It smeared my mascara, leaving a trail of darkness where it fell.
As I looked into the mirror, I see a face. A meticulously painted face, each brush and stroke painted with care. A crack, emitting from the eye trailing all the way down spoils everything.
The girl with the broken painted face.
Maggie mee for lunch again.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
The sinking feeling is here again..
I stare at the abyss that which I have gotten out of, every day.
Depression setting in. What is depression? Why do I use this word so freely, as if it is nothing more than a common flu?
I wish I could just throw everything to the wind, to stand by the sea, ignoring what the others think about me and scream until my throat rips, until the blood spurts out and form a river, going on forever. I wish to make this river of sadness now.
With my blood.
Why is this feeling here? Why is it that I can feel extreme happiness at one moment, total depression at the other? Why is it that I feel like doing unspeakable things to myself?
But I don't. For the sake of my animals.
What if one day I just blew up? What if I fell back into the abyss again and perhaps never find a way to get out?
I stare at the abyss that which I have gotten out of, every day.
Depression setting in. What is depression? Why do I use this word so freely, as if it is nothing more than a common flu?
I wish I could just throw everything to the wind, to stand by the sea, ignoring what the others think about me and scream until my throat rips, until the blood spurts out and form a river, going on forever. I wish to make this river of sadness now.
With my blood.
Why is this feeling here? Why is it that I can feel extreme happiness at one moment, total depression at the other? Why is it that I feel like doing unspeakable things to myself?
But I don't. For the sake of my animals.
What if one day I just blew up? What if I fell back into the abyss again and perhaps never find a way to get out?
Heh *looks sheepish*
I apologize for the boring previous post. Well, me and my mother, we both have something in common. She says things in a fit of anger, and I write things in a fit of anger.
Hmz.. what should I blog about on this really boring and uneventful day?
Work started yesterday. My first day!
Everyone was so nice to me on my first day. I had at least a few tables asking for me. One of the customers even opened a bottle of vodka for me! WoOt!
Well, all I had to do was to keep topping up the customers' glasses and perhaps sit down and chat with them when I am free. These customers are so nice! This guy Suresh offered to buy me dinner, and Keith opened the bottle of vodka for me. The rest of the customers were all friendly too.
They kept on making me drink.
After awhile, I shifted to another table and got to know two more customers, Simon and Mark. Had a good chat with them over there, opened another bottle and switched to plain water for me.
I'd had far too much to drink last night.
After awhile, they started chatting amongst themselves, I moved to this other table with two Indians and a European. I forgot their names, but had fun there as well.
This was the first time in my life that I've entertained so much. I felt like puking at the end of everything. If I smell whiskey now I'm gonna puke in your face.
When I got back via company transport, I was so overcome by dizzyness I had to take a break at the 6th floor.
Sigh~
Cash is getting really inquisitive, and getting really sticky to me now. So sweet~
I apologize for the boring previous post. Well, me and my mother, we both have something in common. She says things in a fit of anger, and I write things in a fit of anger.
Hmz.. what should I blog about on this really boring and uneventful day?
Work started yesterday. My first day!
Everyone was so nice to me on my first day. I had at least a few tables asking for me. One of the customers even opened a bottle of vodka for me! WoOt!
Well, all I had to do was to keep topping up the customers' glasses and perhaps sit down and chat with them when I am free. These customers are so nice! This guy Suresh offered to buy me dinner, and Keith opened the bottle of vodka for me. The rest of the customers were all friendly too.
They kept on making me drink.
After awhile, I shifted to another table and got to know two more customers, Simon and Mark. Had a good chat with them over there, opened another bottle and switched to plain water for me.
I'd had far too much to drink last night.
After awhile, they started chatting amongst themselves, I moved to this other table with two Indians and a European. I forgot their names, but had fun there as well.
This was the first time in my life that I've entertained so much. I felt like puking at the end of everything. If I smell whiskey now I'm gonna puke in your face.
When I got back via company transport, I was so overcome by dizzyness I had to take a break at the 6th floor.
Sigh~
Cash is getting really inquisitive, and getting really sticky to me now. So sweet~
Monday, June 27, 2005
The world is still.. too still..
I know I am going to regret saying this sooner or later, but I wish I could just die now.
My mother hates me. She hates me to the core she'd wished that I'd just die. She said it herself, the sooner I die, the better it would be for her.
You know. I grew up with that phrase in my head.
From her words, it is deduced that she's dying for me to be a prostitute. She can't wait to sell me out of the house so that she doesn't have to look at my face anymore.
I know that she's sacrificed a lot for my during my childhood years. I also know that I haven't been intentionally hurting her ever since I came back from being a rebellious teenager. And because I am aware of all that she's done for me in the past, I try to give way everytime we argue (which was rarely). I try to stand in her shoes and think about points from her side. But does she even think for me anymore?
You know that I hate people who don't like or abuses animals. I'm starting to hate my own mother. Cash is just an innocent baby, and yet has had things thrown at it TWICE. The first time was Cash's first day home.
Imagine this. You're in a strange place with strange noises and strange people keep walking around you and you don't know anything at all. Suddenly a huge monster comes out of nowhere and starts hitting your cage. You can't escape, and suddenly the cage goes toppling down.
Wouldn't you be scared out of your wits? And to have that happen twice with the same monster, wouldn't you hate that monster?
All throughout my childhood to adolescence, she has always thought of ways to deprive me. I couldn't do this, I couldn't do that. I might as well be a prostitute and die. The sooner I die, the better.
I was playing basketball, a relatively cheap (read: free) sport that doesn't cost much (as opposed to my friends addicted to gaming), and all I ask of her is to leave me alone with my basketball. But no, she had A LOT of comments, and forbade me to go out to play often. One of the reasons being that basketball made me look fierce.
As any normal just-teenager would be, I was addicted to my phone. It had to be with me all the time. Why, what do you know, she smashed three of my phones and blamed everything on me.
I know that I am not easy to upkeep, but I have already tried to be the best daughter I know how. I really try hard, but nothing is good enough for her. She goes around complaining and telling others that she has a good-for-nothing worthless little whore in her house.
She complains that I spend too much money. Look at me! Look how "new" my clothes are! I get new clothes only every new year, is that too much for her? Look how "expensive" my cosmetics are! I get them free from my cousin. Look what expensive tastes I have! I have been skipping meals just not to take money from her.
The only thing I spend money the most on are my pets, and she complains about this as well. That is MY money, that which she has given me, and I choose where I want to spend it. If she doesn't like the way I spend it, well, I've always volunteered to work.
She doesn't want me to work.
Yet another thing. She complains that I laze around the house too much. And now that I've found work, she complains that it would take me away from my studies. What does she want me to do? Shall I jump out of the window in front of your very eyes, mam?
I know that my pay from creative is going to be measly compared to hers, but does she really have to scorn? I said that I wanted to bring her to Din Tai Fung restaurant, and she scorned at my pay being too little to bring her out. As with my sister.
She reasons away her everything, justifying everything that she'd done. Always excuses for everything. She believes that she's always right.
I go out frequently with a specific guy, she says that I'm dying to get fucked. I oversleep and missed school, she says that I'm dying to be a whore. Is there any connection?
After getting herself so worked up without my help (I just sat there silently while she berated me) today, she immediately called up everyone and complained about just what a whore I was being. She says that she doesn't complain much, but what is this? I have no one to go to except my blog. I can't relate my problems to anyone. Who's the one feeling more alone here?
Newest Update: In accordance to my mother dying to get me out of the house, she has now decided to send me over to live with my god-mother. Does she really hate me so much that she doesn't want to see my face?
My animals go with me.
Everything is my fault, everything is blamed on me. I use too much electricity, I magically make money disappear, even what that bastard Zeo had done is blamed on me.
He came last night demanding for his stuff. As if I wanted his stuff so much that I wanted to keep them for myself. I've had his stuff packed a long long time ago, it was just HIM who did not want his stuff back. Now he acts like I swallowed his stuff?
The money too. I've thrown the money at him already, I've asked Melvin to help me pass it to him, but he just doesn't want it. Now he blames me for him going broke?
Who's the one who brought Cash home without warning, therefore landing me in debt? So everything is my fault? He claims that I shouldn't dislike him disturbing and stalking me because I'm disturbing him 24/7.
In his mind.
As if that is my fault. He really IS sick. Now he acts like I owe him everything and still want him back.
*Pui!*
He claims that my heartlessness made him heartless too. I wished he'd become heartless a lot earlier, so that I didn't have to go through all that shit he gave me.
Life is just fulla shit.
I know I am going to regret saying this sooner or later, but I wish I could just die now.
My mother hates me. She hates me to the core she'd wished that I'd just die. She said it herself, the sooner I die, the better it would be for her.
You know. I grew up with that phrase in my head.
From her words, it is deduced that she's dying for me to be a prostitute. She can't wait to sell me out of the house so that she doesn't have to look at my face anymore.
I know that she's sacrificed a lot for my during my childhood years. I also know that I haven't been intentionally hurting her ever since I came back from being a rebellious teenager. And because I am aware of all that she's done for me in the past, I try to give way everytime we argue (which was rarely). I try to stand in her shoes and think about points from her side. But does she even think for me anymore?
You know that I hate people who don't like or abuses animals. I'm starting to hate my own mother. Cash is just an innocent baby, and yet has had things thrown at it TWICE. The first time was Cash's first day home.
Imagine this. You're in a strange place with strange noises and strange people keep walking around you and you don't know anything at all. Suddenly a huge monster comes out of nowhere and starts hitting your cage. You can't escape, and suddenly the cage goes toppling down.
Wouldn't you be scared out of your wits? And to have that happen twice with the same monster, wouldn't you hate that monster?
All throughout my childhood to adolescence, she has always thought of ways to deprive me. I couldn't do this, I couldn't do that. I might as well be a prostitute and die. The sooner I die, the better.
I was playing basketball, a relatively cheap (read: free) sport that doesn't cost much (as opposed to my friends addicted to gaming), and all I ask of her is to leave me alone with my basketball. But no, she had A LOT of comments, and forbade me to go out to play often. One of the reasons being that basketball made me look fierce.
As any normal just-teenager would be, I was addicted to my phone. It had to be with me all the time. Why, what do you know, she smashed three of my phones and blamed everything on me.
I know that I am not easy to upkeep, but I have already tried to be the best daughter I know how. I really try hard, but nothing is good enough for her. She goes around complaining and telling others that she has a good-for-nothing worthless little whore in her house.
She complains that I spend too much money. Look at me! Look how "new" my clothes are! I get new clothes only every new year, is that too much for her? Look how "expensive" my cosmetics are! I get them free from my cousin. Look what expensive tastes I have! I have been skipping meals just not to take money from her.
The only thing I spend money the most on are my pets, and she complains about this as well. That is MY money, that which she has given me, and I choose where I want to spend it. If she doesn't like the way I spend it, well, I've always volunteered to work.
She doesn't want me to work.
Yet another thing. She complains that I laze around the house too much. And now that I've found work, she complains that it would take me away from my studies. What does she want me to do? Shall I jump out of the window in front of your very eyes, mam?
I know that my pay from creative is going to be measly compared to hers, but does she really have to scorn? I said that I wanted to bring her to Din Tai Fung restaurant, and she scorned at my pay being too little to bring her out. As with my sister.
She reasons away her everything, justifying everything that she'd done. Always excuses for everything. She believes that she's always right.
I go out frequently with a specific guy, she says that I'm dying to get fucked. I oversleep and missed school, she says that I'm dying to be a whore. Is there any connection?
After getting herself so worked up without my help (I just sat there silently while she berated me) today, she immediately called up everyone and complained about just what a whore I was being. She says that she doesn't complain much, but what is this? I have no one to go to except my blog. I can't relate my problems to anyone. Who's the one feeling more alone here?
Newest Update: In accordance to my mother dying to get me out of the house, she has now decided to send me over to live with my god-mother. Does she really hate me so much that she doesn't want to see my face?
My animals go with me.
Everything is my fault, everything is blamed on me. I use too much electricity, I magically make money disappear, even what that bastard Zeo had done is blamed on me.
He came last night demanding for his stuff. As if I wanted his stuff so much that I wanted to keep them for myself. I've had his stuff packed a long long time ago, it was just HIM who did not want his stuff back. Now he acts like I swallowed his stuff?
The money too. I've thrown the money at him already, I've asked Melvin to help me pass it to him, but he just doesn't want it. Now he blames me for him going broke?
Who's the one who brought Cash home without warning, therefore landing me in debt? So everything is my fault? He claims that I shouldn't dislike him disturbing and stalking me because I'm disturbing him 24/7.
In his mind.
As if that is my fault. He really IS sick. Now he acts like I owe him everything and still want him back.
*Pui!*
He claims that my heartlessness made him heartless too. I wished he'd become heartless a lot earlier, so that I didn't have to go through all that shit he gave me.
Life is just fulla shit.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Urgh! Finally I get to sign in!
Trust me, I have been itching to blog for these few days.
I have so many things to say, but all of a sudden, as I sit in front of my computer, everything clammed up. Where am I going to start with so much happening around me?
And as most of you know, I have a horrible memory and my capacity of blurness unparalleled. It a miracal I can remember so much to say now.
Well, firstly, I remember.. Job Hunting! Yea! I called up these restaurants I found in the papers, and asked every single one for an interview. And because I had agreed to help Y look for a job too, so I asked him along for the interview later that night. I think it was.. on the 23rd.
We were supposed to meet at my floor, but when he came up, he found something unexpected (ok, I kinda expected it). He found Baby loitering around on my floor. Y didn't want to have a confrontation so he turned and went down the stairs.
Baby gave chase. He found him on the second floor and they had a talk. I don't know how things went between them, but at least they were both civil. After Baby left, Y came up to the 6th floor's elevator lobby to find me.
We went down together.
Baby suddenly popped out from the next block and begged to talk to me. Y stood between us because he was afraid that Baby would do something funny. He begged and begged and tried to talk to me, but I ignored him.
I have wasted too much of my breath on this kid. I am too tired to even defend myself anymore. Let him accuse what he wants to accuse.
It dragged on and on, to the extent of Baby kneeling down in front of Y and begging me to give him a chance. I called one of my mother's many god-sons and everything eneded when he came and escorted us to the bus stop. He's soooooo fierce!
Digression: It's not that I have no heart to ignore Baby kneeling down. It's just that it's been turned to stone by his many, many actions. I can't take it anymore. And, to be accused like that, before and after the relationship, is really not a nice feeling. Even if I did have something on with someone else now, it is no longer his problem.
Back to the topic. Where were we? Oh yes.
We went all the way to ********* and interviewed at one of the many pubs there. WE GOT THE JOB! WoohoO! Y's starting his waitering on July 1st, and I'm starting as a GRO (general relations officer) on Monday.
Name and location of pub undisclosed to prevent stalkers. Hit me a message if you want to know where it is.
The lady interviewing us, Ms Koh, was so pretty and nice! And she said I was pretty! *slobbery kisses all over her*
Okay I've gone mad, playing liquidgeneration.com games while writing this.
Need... inspiration!
After our successful interview, we walked all the way over to the esplanade to enjoy a (un)romantic chat. We horsed around until a police car passed by, by then which he was threatening to throw me into the water. He's really quite a nice guy except for his words sometimes. They hurt.
But, it WAS a magical night. It was a twinkling, sparkly night with fireworks exploding in my head. That feeling.. I've felt once before, and no more. It's gone.
Time to come clean! Yes, I molested him. His pockets I mean. He keeps our cigarettes in his pocket and tells me to beg whenever I want a stick. I am not one for begging, so it's time to use violence! I'm surprised I haven't torn a hole in his pocket yet.
We decided to leave around 11.30pm. Okay, HE decided that it was time for us to leave because we were missing the last train.
ARGH! My hand hurts. I tried to burn off a piece of loose plastic something on my dress today and that burning plastic fell on my hand.
Now that tiny patch of skin is COOKED. Yuck.
Back again to the topic..
We walked around some more, getting lost on our search for the mrt station. When we finally reached the end of city link, we were just in time to catch up with the last train. Thanks to me and my persistance! Haha!
Well. Went to IMM and Bugis with Y yesterday too. He left his friends in the lurch for me! Aaww~! They had already booked tickets for a midnight show at Bugis but there wasn't any for me because he asked me out at the last minute. So if there wasn't any for me.. I should've gone home then.
But he made a decision and soon after we were walking to PS for a show. Our show. Horror Train.
Well, I could tell you that it's not scary at all, except that once I curled up in shock. It was the shock factor, mainly, but there's... no wait. There is a part where I almost screamed. The part where the guy was photographing the empty carriage and suddenly this crazy upside down woman pops out.
After that, we walked all the way to somerset to take the NR1 back home. Imagine walking around all day in heels! Woah!
Well, there must be something wrong with me because I puke this morning. Something's wrong with my tummy, and I'm suspecting it to be stomach flu. What exactly is stomach flu anyway?
Well, as for today, we went to causeway point because I had to pick up a box of cigarettes a friend of mine brought in from M'sia. We walked around aimlessly and then headed off for Bishan.
I don't know why, but I can't shop with my guy friends. Unless there is a specific thing that I want to buy, or I won't feel like shopping. It feels funny to have someone squirming away beside you when you're picking out clothes or something.
Over at J8, I practically drooled for at least half an hour. Firstly, it was because of the Shihlin crispy chicken I bought. And secondly, there were HUNKS WALKING AROUND TOPLESS. On stage of course. They were having a something something face contest. The girls weren't that great, but the guys.. woah.
I'm not saying that every single one is cute, but most of them are at least cuter than most of the guys you see wandering around on the streets. There was this guy in green with an awfully cute smile, who later went on to emerge as the winner. Then there was this guy who didn't smile, and he looked incredibly like Donnie Yen!
Speaking of Donnie Yen, I went messing around online for his picture today. I found out that he just got married! Argh! And that's not the worst part. The worst thing is, he's got a daughter named Jasmine! Double argh!
Sigh. Why are all the great men married?
Okay, I know today's post is kinda boring and sounding like one of those bimbotic "today I went where-and-where and did so-and-so. end of story" type, but how could I elaborate more? I had to consolidate three days into one post because the blogger login wasn't working the previous two days. Darn.
And I'm playing games on liquidgeneration.com. Dumb, really. I should be playing stuff like photo hunt but I did that all through yesterday and the day before.
(Even) More pictures of Cash!
Camoufledged
Preening its left armpit
And the right
And now the.............
So paiseh!
Trust me, I have been itching to blog for these few days.
I have so many things to say, but all of a sudden, as I sit in front of my computer, everything clammed up. Where am I going to start with so much happening around me?
And as most of you know, I have a horrible memory and my capacity of blurness unparalleled. It a miracal I can remember so much to say now.
Well, firstly, I remember.. Job Hunting! Yea! I called up these restaurants I found in the papers, and asked every single one for an interview. And because I had agreed to help Y look for a job too, so I asked him along for the interview later that night. I think it was.. on the 23rd.
We were supposed to meet at my floor, but when he came up, he found something unexpected (ok, I kinda expected it). He found Baby loitering around on my floor. Y didn't want to have a confrontation so he turned and went down the stairs.
Baby gave chase. He found him on the second floor and they had a talk. I don't know how things went between them, but at least they were both civil. After Baby left, Y came up to the 6th floor's elevator lobby to find me.
We went down together.
Baby suddenly popped out from the next block and begged to talk to me. Y stood between us because he was afraid that Baby would do something funny. He begged and begged and tried to talk to me, but I ignored him.
I have wasted too much of my breath on this kid. I am too tired to even defend myself anymore. Let him accuse what he wants to accuse.
It dragged on and on, to the extent of Baby kneeling down in front of Y and begging me to give him a chance. I called one of my mother's many god-sons and everything eneded when he came and escorted us to the bus stop. He's soooooo fierce!
Digression: It's not that I have no heart to ignore Baby kneeling down. It's just that it's been turned to stone by his many, many actions. I can't take it anymore. And, to be accused like that, before and after the relationship, is really not a nice feeling. Even if I did have something on with someone else now, it is no longer his problem.
Back to the topic. Where were we? Oh yes.
We went all the way to ********* and interviewed at one of the many pubs there. WE GOT THE JOB! WoohoO! Y's starting his waitering on July 1st, and I'm starting as a GRO (general relations officer) on Monday.
Name and location of pub undisclosed to prevent stalkers. Hit me a message if you want to know where it is.
The lady interviewing us, Ms Koh, was so pretty and nice! And she said I was pretty! *slobbery kisses all over her*
Okay I've gone mad, playing liquidgeneration.com games while writing this.
Need... inspiration!
After our successful interview, we walked all the way over to the esplanade to enjoy a (un)romantic chat. We horsed around until a police car passed by, by then which he was threatening to throw me into the water. He's really quite a nice guy except for his words sometimes. They hurt.
But, it WAS a magical night. It was a twinkling, sparkly night with fireworks exploding in my head. That feeling.. I've felt once before, and no more. It's gone.
Time to come clean! Yes, I molested him. His pockets I mean. He keeps our cigarettes in his pocket and tells me to beg whenever I want a stick. I am not one for begging, so it's time to use violence! I'm surprised I haven't torn a hole in his pocket yet.
We decided to leave around 11.30pm. Okay, HE decided that it was time for us to leave because we were missing the last train.
ARGH! My hand hurts. I tried to burn off a piece of loose plastic something on my dress today and that burning plastic fell on my hand.
Now that tiny patch of skin is COOKED. Yuck.
Back again to the topic..
We walked around some more, getting lost on our search for the mrt station. When we finally reached the end of city link, we were just in time to catch up with the last train. Thanks to me and my persistance! Haha!
Well. Went to IMM and Bugis with Y yesterday too. He left his friends in the lurch for me! Aaww~! They had already booked tickets for a midnight show at Bugis but there wasn't any for me because he asked me out at the last minute. So if there wasn't any for me.. I should've gone home then.
But he made a decision and soon after we were walking to PS for a show. Our show. Horror Train.
Well, I could tell you that it's not scary at all, except that once I curled up in shock. It was the shock factor, mainly, but there's... no wait. There is a part where I almost screamed. The part where the guy was photographing the empty carriage and suddenly this crazy upside down woman pops out.
After that, we walked all the way to somerset to take the NR1 back home. Imagine walking around all day in heels! Woah!
Well, there must be something wrong with me because I puke this morning. Something's wrong with my tummy, and I'm suspecting it to be stomach flu. What exactly is stomach flu anyway?
Well, as for today, we went to causeway point because I had to pick up a box of cigarettes a friend of mine brought in from M'sia. We walked around aimlessly and then headed off for Bishan.
I don't know why, but I can't shop with my guy friends. Unless there is a specific thing that I want to buy, or I won't feel like shopping. It feels funny to have someone squirming away beside you when you're picking out clothes or something.
Over at J8, I practically drooled for at least half an hour. Firstly, it was because of the Shihlin crispy chicken I bought. And secondly, there were HUNKS WALKING AROUND TOPLESS. On stage of course. They were having a something something face contest. The girls weren't that great, but the guys.. woah.
I'm not saying that every single one is cute, but most of them are at least cuter than most of the guys you see wandering around on the streets. There was this guy in green with an awfully cute smile, who later went on to emerge as the winner. Then there was this guy who didn't smile, and he looked incredibly like Donnie Yen!
Speaking of Donnie Yen, I went messing around online for his picture today. I found out that he just got married! Argh! And that's not the worst part. The worst thing is, he's got a daughter named Jasmine! Double argh!
Sigh. Why are all the great men married?
Okay, I know today's post is kinda boring and sounding like one of those bimbotic "today I went where-and-where and did so-and-so. end of story" type, but how could I elaborate more? I had to consolidate three days into one post because the blogger login wasn't working the previous two days. Darn.
And I'm playing games on liquidgeneration.com. Dumb, really. I should be playing stuff like photo hunt but I did that all through yesterday and the day before.
(Even) More pictures of Cash!
Camoufledged
Preening its left armpit
And the right
And now the.............
So paiseh!
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
I'm sinking...
I'm sinking into the deepest, darkest abyss where I can find no sunlight. Where the days are a sullen gray and the nights are dull black. Where, no matter where I turn, I can find no exit.
Why is this happening to me?
I shouldn't let all these affect me so much. I know I shouldn't. But what control do I have over my heart? What control do I have over how I feel? How do I make all these go away?
Wenyi advised me not to let this affect me at all, because I have all the advantages of being a girl. But everytime I get his message, everytime I see him stalking and loitering around downstairs, everytime I get stupid gifts from him, I feel the hate increasing. And as long as that hate increases, that bad feeling comes again.
I wish I knew where all these sorrow come from. I wish I could drown them in something, anything. I wish the world would stop spinning and time would just stand still as I hollar silent tears until my throat rips and my heart breaks.
I try to put on an attitude that shows that I don't care to the world, but deep inside, I do. I try to smile and laugh and joke as normal, but deep inside I'm cracking, jagged edges and lines running amok.
I can't control my emotions. I'm only human.
I can't hollar.
I can't pound on the wall.
I can't scream and shout.
I can't cry anymore.
It doesn't matter. Nothing ever matters anymore.
So much for letting off some steam. Time to put on my mask and face the world again.
I'm sinking into the deepest, darkest abyss where I can find no sunlight. Where the days are a sullen gray and the nights are dull black. Where, no matter where I turn, I can find no exit.
Why is this happening to me?
I shouldn't let all these affect me so much. I know I shouldn't. But what control do I have over my heart? What control do I have over how I feel? How do I make all these go away?
Wenyi advised me not to let this affect me at all, because I have all the advantages of being a girl. But everytime I get his message, everytime I see him stalking and loitering around downstairs, everytime I get stupid gifts from him, I feel the hate increasing. And as long as that hate increases, that bad feeling comes again.
I wish I knew where all these sorrow come from. I wish I could drown them in something, anything. I wish the world would stop spinning and time would just stand still as I hollar silent tears until my throat rips and my heart breaks.
I try to put on an attitude that shows that I don't care to the world, but deep inside, I do. I try to smile and laugh and joke as normal, but deep inside I'm cracking, jagged edges and lines running amok.
I can't control my emotions. I'm only human.
I can't hollar.
I can't pound on the wall.
I can't scream and shout.
I can't cry anymore.
It doesn't matter. Nothing ever matters anymore.
So much for letting off some steam. Time to put on my mask and face the world again.
Monday, June 20, 2005
What a contradicting world.
After his attitude towards me last night ("bitch! u unfaithful bitch!"), he kept messaging me throughout.
He called me this afternoon telling me how bad he felt and how in pain he was. He tried to explain about why he said what he said last night.
He said that it was to salvage his pride and make him feel better. At the same time, he still loves me and blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda.
Well, if he really loved me, he'd want for me to be happy, right? If he really loved me, he wouldn't have made me so miserable for so long. He wouldn't have yelled at me and said those hurting words last night. He wouldn't have did all those things thinking that he'd get me back.
He wouldn't have gone to the extent of making me hate him.
There can never be a chance between me and him.
Cash is coming home tomorrow night with my family's acceptance.
After his attitude towards me last night ("bitch! u unfaithful bitch!"), he kept messaging me throughout.
He called me this afternoon telling me how bad he felt and how in pain he was. He tried to explain about why he said what he said last night.
He said that it was to salvage his pride and make him feel better. At the same time, he still loves me and blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda.
Well, if he really loved me, he'd want for me to be happy, right? If he really loved me, he wouldn't have made me so miserable for so long. He wouldn't have yelled at me and said those hurting words last night. He wouldn't have did all those things thinking that he'd get me back.
He wouldn't have gone to the extent of making me hate him.
There can never be a chance between me and him.
Cash is coming home tomorrow night with my family's acceptance.
Woot~
Haven't felt so relaxed in the longest time.
Good news for those who worry about me! We've truly broken up. He's accepted the breakup on the base that I am unfaithful and a bitch and so its not worth being with me.
Whatever. My conscious is clear.
Went to cheeky's last night. Darn, that place is really dark. There were even a few indian songs in between! The night was ruined by Baby, as usual, who was not happy that I kept messaging people. I regret bringing him to spoil my night out.
He got Cash for me today. He put a down payment of $400 for it. It ended up being trashed by my mother, who in turn trashed me when I tried to stop her.
I'm ok.
After having this really long talk with her, we each returned to our rooms. And I got called out by Melvin on behalf of Baby to discuss what should be done with Cash.
The talk was supposed to be purely based on the well-being of Cash, but somehow it evolved into a dissection of our relationship and Melvin too got tired of repeating the same thing to him, again and again without him understanding anything.
Was running late for a few drinks with Y at the Yishun dam. We had drinks, chatted again about everything and nothing at all. It's just nice to have someone on the same wavelength whom you could talk to about everything, and be actually interested in what I had to say.
After getting high and tipsy(he wasn't walking straight), we decided to walk our way back. At the T-junction, Y said that he wanted to walk straight through the other way, and so we did. Like I said, he wasn't walking straight, and so he was holding on to me for balance (or something) and that's when the problems started.
Unknowingly, Baby was stalking us ever since we were at the dam. He saw us drinking and all that. He was behind us all the way when we were walking back. When he saw Y's arm around me he couldn't take it. If I hadn't stood blocking his way and pushing him back he would've hit Y.
I know that Y can take it but what I was afraid of was that Y would hit back. He called the police when he saw Baby coming. If he hit back, he'd be in the wrong too, right?
Plus, I don't want to see guys fighting over me. I am not worth it.
The police came and took down statements and stuff. Melvin came soon afterwards in his HUGE, OBIANG van (I couldn't resist it) and we left the two policemen with Baby. He drove us all the way back to our block and we sat there chatting until Baby came.
Not long after he sat down, Wenyi came. Some sort of stone dropped form my heart when I saw him, because I know that everything's gonna be alright with him here.
Anyway, Baby started hurling accusations against me and everything. I tried to clarify with him but he just wouldn't listen. He ended up blaming me for jeapordizing the relationship and calling me an unfaithful bitch. Whatever.
My conscious is clear. I didn't do anything unfaithful to him.
He even went so far as to threaten me. "don't ever let me see you at 346 again. i won't treat you as a girl anymore." Meaning: he's gonna get back at me in anyway he can, even to the extent of hurting me during basketball.
He demanded that I take Cash back home and that I pay him the $400 he put down for Cash within two weeks. Okay, I understand that. He subsequently bombarded my phone with "bitch! u unfaithful bitch! fucker!"
Then, after we got Cash to Melvin's and I got home after a little chat with Y outside at the stairwell, he sent me yet another message stating that he changed his mind. He's demanding that I return him the money in one week's time, along with the $100 he gave me for shopping.
It was on purpose. He knew that I only get my paycheck in July, and that I couldn't possibly get any money till then.
What a wimp (again).
And to think that I wanted to remain as friends with him. What could one do when love turns to hate? When one is pushed against the wall and has no other way out (of this relationship)?
And if you're one of the unbelievers, I can only tell you. My conscious is clear.
Haven't felt so relaxed in the longest time.
Good news for those who worry about me! We've truly broken up. He's accepted the breakup on the base that I am unfaithful and a bitch and so its not worth being with me.
Whatever. My conscious is clear.
Went to cheeky's last night. Darn, that place is really dark. There were even a few indian songs in between! The night was ruined by Baby, as usual, who was not happy that I kept messaging people. I regret bringing him to spoil my night out.
He got Cash for me today. He put a down payment of $400 for it. It ended up being trashed by my mother, who in turn trashed me when I tried to stop her.
I'm ok.
After having this really long talk with her, we each returned to our rooms. And I got called out by Melvin on behalf of Baby to discuss what should be done with Cash.
The talk was supposed to be purely based on the well-being of Cash, but somehow it evolved into a dissection of our relationship and Melvin too got tired of repeating the same thing to him, again and again without him understanding anything.
Was running late for a few drinks with Y at the Yishun dam. We had drinks, chatted again about everything and nothing at all. It's just nice to have someone on the same wavelength whom you could talk to about everything, and be actually interested in what I had to say.
After getting high and tipsy(he wasn't walking straight), we decided to walk our way back. At the T-junction, Y said that he wanted to walk straight through the other way, and so we did. Like I said, he wasn't walking straight, and so he was holding on to me for balance (or something) and that's when the problems started.
Unknowingly, Baby was stalking us ever since we were at the dam. He saw us drinking and all that. He was behind us all the way when we were walking back. When he saw Y's arm around me he couldn't take it. If I hadn't stood blocking his way and pushing him back he would've hit Y.
I know that Y can take it but what I was afraid of was that Y would hit back. He called the police when he saw Baby coming. If he hit back, he'd be in the wrong too, right?
Plus, I don't want to see guys fighting over me. I am not worth it.
The police came and took down statements and stuff. Melvin came soon afterwards in his HUGE, OBIANG van (I couldn't resist it) and we left the two policemen with Baby. He drove us all the way back to our block and we sat there chatting until Baby came.
Not long after he sat down, Wenyi came. Some sort of stone dropped form my heart when I saw him, because I know that everything's gonna be alright with him here.
Anyway, Baby started hurling accusations against me and everything. I tried to clarify with him but he just wouldn't listen. He ended up blaming me for jeapordizing the relationship and calling me an unfaithful bitch. Whatever.
My conscious is clear. I didn't do anything unfaithful to him.
He even went so far as to threaten me. "don't ever let me see you at 346 again. i won't treat you as a girl anymore." Meaning: he's gonna get back at me in anyway he can, even to the extent of hurting me during basketball.
He demanded that I take Cash back home and that I pay him the $400 he put down for Cash within two weeks. Okay, I understand that. He subsequently bombarded my phone with "bitch! u unfaithful bitch! fucker!"
Then, after we got Cash to Melvin's and I got home after a little chat with Y outside at the stairwell, he sent me yet another message stating that he changed his mind. He's demanding that I return him the money in one week's time, along with the $100 he gave me for shopping.
It was on purpose. He knew that I only get my paycheck in July, and that I couldn't possibly get any money till then.
What a wimp (again).
And to think that I wanted to remain as friends with him. What could one do when love turns to hate? When one is pushed against the wall and has no other way out (of this relationship)?
And if you're one of the unbelievers, I can only tell you. My conscious is clear.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
I had a talk with Baby last night. I didn't want to, but because I was at 346 and everybody knew what happened, Huiyi advised me to have a face to face talk with him.
I was like, ok, but I wanted to have Danny with me. Danny is someone with whom I feel really comfortable with, like a brother or something, and if he were there I'd feel more comfortable speaking up for myself.
After lights out we sat at the void deck to have our "little" talk. Baby across the table, Wenyi and Huiyi on either side (Danny had something on). Wenyi flipped a coin and Baby was the first to talk.
I knew that this wouldn't result in anything but Huiyi said that it was to give Baby a chance to let off steam. I guess it didn't work well, because when it was open argument we bickered about the smallest most unimportant things. The argument was controlled later by Wenyi when he felt that we were repeatedly going around in circles.
Well. I couldn't remember much of it but that I have the right to reject whatever they give me. I have the right to reject going out with Baby, to reject even being with him.
John came later on when Huiyi left, and accidently gave the suggestion of a one week grace period. I don't know what the point is, but somehow they said it would help let his heart die.
Anyway.
Pictures! Firstly, a really wet bird after his bath!
A really weird coloured moth(I had to climb up high to take this picture).
Sweet little Cash! Finally
Hurhurhur~! Hold on though. Might be reconsidering getting Cash. Will be updating why later.
And *drumroll* what I got today!
An apology present.
I was like, ok, but I wanted to have Danny with me. Danny is someone with whom I feel really comfortable with, like a brother or something, and if he were there I'd feel more comfortable speaking up for myself.
After lights out we sat at the void deck to have our "little" talk. Baby across the table, Wenyi and Huiyi on either side (Danny had something on). Wenyi flipped a coin and Baby was the first to talk.
I knew that this wouldn't result in anything but Huiyi said that it was to give Baby a chance to let off steam. I guess it didn't work well, because when it was open argument we bickered about the smallest most unimportant things. The argument was controlled later by Wenyi when he felt that we were repeatedly going around in circles.
Well. I couldn't remember much of it but that I have the right to reject whatever they give me. I have the right to reject going out with Baby, to reject even being with him.
John came later on when Huiyi left, and accidently gave the suggestion of a one week grace period. I don't know what the point is, but somehow they said it would help let his heart die.
Anyway.
Pictures! Firstly, a really wet bird after his bath!
A really weird coloured moth(I had to climb up high to take this picture).
Sweet little Cash! Finally
Hurhurhur~! Hold on though. Might be reconsidering getting Cash. Will be updating why later.
And *drumroll* what I got today!
An apology present.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Now, how do you transfer picture from your un-userfriendly T630 to your computer? I don't have the ericsson cable.
Anyone willing to lend?
No?
Well then, no pictures of Cash for you!
Baby's been bombarding me with smses, begging and begging, repeating and rephrasing the same thing, wanting me to go back to him and promising to change, promising this and that. But you know what? I'm not gonna.
I'm not gonna trust him anymore. After what he said to me?
Examples of what he said when he lost control (and that was very often):
"wad are you trying to do? dont ever let me see him again.. he wont escape so easily next time"
"dont ever let me see him again.. i will make sure dat his mum oso dont recognize him"
"i'm not going to drop the matter if you still calling for a break up! i bloody hate this guy now. until u drop the subject i'm not going to let him go"
"i'm not going to break up with you no matter how much it cost"
"if u wan to break up with me i deem is because of this guy! he caused it! so i wont! and no matter wad he will have to pay if i sees him again"
"do u know that your bf is waiting for you when u r with this guy? dinner? wad u trying to do! telling u i'm i damn bloody hate this guy! he better stay away from u!"
"let me tell u.. we are still together i dont care"
"and i see this guy once i beat him once"
"de more u ignore me de more i will pester u!"
"yr fren? fuck you! u caused all this thing! unfaithful. i'm not going to give a fuck!"
"i telling u if u dare to mention abt this guy again.. u better be careful oso.. i will sure beat him up if the matter dont rest"
"ya trying to protect him now!? who is he to u fucker!! tell u i will make things even worse if u dont let de matter rest"
Well. After these sweet messages, he'd always go "I really love you. pls give me a chance to really treasure and protect this relationship one last time" blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda, haven't we heard this about a few thousand times already?
He's psychotic. And it isn't only me who is using that word on him.
A lot of my friends couldn't believe it because he looked so normal and nice on the outside. But as I said, a guy's character and attitude in a relationship will ultimately differ from when he is with friends. I can see why Joanna rejected him. Lucky her.
Pulling the focus back to me..
Had a late night meetup with Y again last night under our block. He's cute, but sometimes his words are a tad hurtful. Our chat ended when my mother came back and dragged me home.
Melvin wants a lovebird just like Mika! I tried calling Song bird shop in Bedok where I got my Mika but they're not picking up. I don't really feel like going unless I know for sure if they have just weaned lovies in stock. Oh sure, he could drive me in his HUGE, OBIANG van but I don't want to give him the disappointment of driving all the way there in anticipation and then finding nothing.
Yurgh~! *yodels*
You know, I could've joined the superstar show on channel 8. But nah~! I'll probably be too shy to sing. I'm too shy even to sing at ktvs! Cher, my ex manager, brought me to ktvs a few times. Guess who's the one sitting in a corner without singing and drinking all throughout?
Well, not wanting to make this post too long or sound too boring, I'll stop here. Be back again with something else to bore your pants off.
Anyone willing to lend?
No?
Well then, no pictures of Cash for you!
Baby's been bombarding me with smses, begging and begging, repeating and rephrasing the same thing, wanting me to go back to him and promising to change, promising this and that. But you know what? I'm not gonna.
I'm not gonna trust him anymore. After what he said to me?
Examples of what he said when he lost control (and that was very often):
"wad are you trying to do? dont ever let me see him again.. he wont escape so easily next time"
"dont ever let me see him again.. i will make sure dat his mum oso dont recognize him"
"i'm not going to drop the matter if you still calling for a break up! i bloody hate this guy now. until u drop the subject i'm not going to let him go"
"i'm not going to break up with you no matter how much it cost"
"if u wan to break up with me i deem is because of this guy! he caused it! so i wont! and no matter wad he will have to pay if i sees him again"
"do u know that your bf is waiting for you when u r with this guy? dinner? wad u trying to do! telling u i'm i damn bloody hate this guy! he better stay away from u!"
"let me tell u.. we are still together i dont care"
"and i see this guy once i beat him once"
"de more u ignore me de more i will pester u!"
"yr fren? fuck you! u caused all this thing! unfaithful. i'm not going to give a fuck!"
"i telling u if u dare to mention abt this guy again.. u better be careful oso.. i will sure beat him up if the matter dont rest"
"ya trying to protect him now!? who is he to u fucker!! tell u i will make things even worse if u dont let de matter rest"
Well. After these sweet messages, he'd always go "I really love you. pls give me a chance to really treasure and protect this relationship one last time" blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda, haven't we heard this about a few thousand times already?
He's psychotic. And it isn't only me who is using that word on him.
A lot of my friends couldn't believe it because he looked so normal and nice on the outside. But as I said, a guy's character and attitude in a relationship will ultimately differ from when he is with friends. I can see why Joanna rejected him. Lucky her.
Pulling the focus back to me..
Had a late night meetup with Y again last night under our block. He's cute, but sometimes his words are a tad hurtful. Our chat ended when my mother came back and dragged me home.
Melvin wants a lovebird just like Mika! I tried calling Song bird shop in Bedok where I got my Mika but they're not picking up. I don't really feel like going unless I know for sure if they have just weaned lovies in stock. Oh sure, he could drive me in his HUGE, OBIANG van but I don't want to give him the disappointment of driving all the way there in anticipation and then finding nothing.
Yurgh~! *yodels*
You know, I could've joined the superstar show on channel 8. But nah~! I'll probably be too shy to sing. I'm too shy even to sing at ktvs! Cher, my ex manager, brought me to ktvs a few times. Guess who's the one sitting in a corner without singing and drinking all throughout?
Well, not wanting to make this post too long or sound too boring, I'll stop here. Be back again with something else to bore your pants off.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Hur, hur, hur~ I got the AG!
No, actually I haven't got it (yet). I just put down a deposit for it. Now it's MINE! Muahahaha~!~! It's still at the bird shop, but it's MINE!
It isn't that whiter AG I blogged about, but a darker one which is just as sweet! I named it Cash (don't ask why, it just came for no reason) and have been repeating the word hello to it for some time.
It's just too sweet for words! Wonder if it's a male or a female.
Went out with Y for dinner, coffee and a chat two nights ago. I had such a wonderful time with him. It reminds me of the times I would go out with Amos to the coffeeshop and chat for hours on end, us really good friends. It ended when Amos fell in love with me.
I like the feeling of being treated as a friend and not just a girl. To tell you the truth, the grass by the Yishun pond was one of my favorite spots a few years ago. I've haven't been there in years. I usually just go to the Yishun dam alone when I'm having problems.
Here's where the sweetness ends.
Baby made a great big fuss about it because I had told him initially that I was going for dinner with Y. He took it as really 'just' dinner and bombarded me with messages throughout. Then he came searching for me at Northpoint and I told him that I was going to have coffee with Y. He stormed off in a huff.
After coffee, we went walking around the quiet stretches of closed shops and chatted. Okay, we smoked too.
Digression: My new smoking khaki~! Haven't had a smoking khaki since Amos quit smoking. Jack's busy with NS, and Yongkang's moved too far. Y's a social smoker too.
Back to the topic now. After walking around aimlessly we decided to go sit down by the pond and have a chat there. The waters were still, and the night was quiet, only punctuated by the sound of engines from the road opposite. We talked about everything and nothing at all. The time went by unnoticed.
I got a few calls during our time at the pond, and as most of my friends know about my strict regulations with my phone, particularly the one where I hate picking up the phone when I'm out with someone else, I turned it off.
When we finally got up and started making our way home, I turn my phone on again. Lots of messages, from Baby getting angry and threatening to beat Y up, to mummy telling me that Baby's called her AND my godmother looking for me.
First of all, I was angered because as I have told him countless of times, I have my own life too. I have my own friends, and I want to go out with them as regularly as I want to. But because of him, I have not gone out with other friends for half a year.
Secondly, most of my friends are guys. The only female friends I have are either from forums or are my relatives. And I do not relate well to females. Baby knows this even before we got together. Knowing this, he should have accepted me as I am and not try to take my friends away from me.
Thirdly, I feel that I have had completely NO personal space and privacy because he expects me to report every single little thing I did and starts fuming if I did not. The only time I get my space if when I start fuming and threaten to break up with him.
Now I have truly decided. I want a break up with him.
In previous times I would relent for the sake of peace, to stop him stalking me and my friends. This time, I've learnt. I've made a police report about him stalking me and threatening my friends. I've gotten the help of W, both Baby's and my friend, and it is W who will be driving me to submit the report to court should Baby continue to stalk me.
Baby's begging and crying, saying that he know that he's too emotional and too possessive, but that he's not a psycho. Yea, tell me that he's not psycho.
Never will I go back to him again.
No, actually I haven't got it (yet). I just put down a deposit for it. Now it's MINE! Muahahaha~!~! It's still at the bird shop, but it's MINE!
It isn't that whiter AG I blogged about, but a darker one which is just as sweet! I named it Cash (don't ask why, it just came for no reason) and have been repeating the word hello to it for some time.
It's just too sweet for words! Wonder if it's a male or a female.
Went out with Y for dinner, coffee and a chat two nights ago. I had such a wonderful time with him. It reminds me of the times I would go out with Amos to the coffeeshop and chat for hours on end, us really good friends. It ended when Amos fell in love with me.
I like the feeling of being treated as a friend and not just a girl. To tell you the truth, the grass by the Yishun pond was one of my favorite spots a few years ago. I've haven't been there in years. I usually just go to the Yishun dam alone when I'm having problems.
Here's where the sweetness ends.
Baby made a great big fuss about it because I had told him initially that I was going for dinner with Y. He took it as really 'just' dinner and bombarded me with messages throughout. Then he came searching for me at Northpoint and I told him that I was going to have coffee with Y. He stormed off in a huff.
After coffee, we went walking around the quiet stretches of closed shops and chatted. Okay, we smoked too.
Digression: My new smoking khaki~! Haven't had a smoking khaki since Amos quit smoking. Jack's busy with NS, and Yongkang's moved too far. Y's a social smoker too.
Back to the topic now. After walking around aimlessly we decided to go sit down by the pond and have a chat there. The waters were still, and the night was quiet, only punctuated by the sound of engines from the road opposite. We talked about everything and nothing at all. The time went by unnoticed.
I got a few calls during our time at the pond, and as most of my friends know about my strict regulations with my phone, particularly the one where I hate picking up the phone when I'm out with someone else, I turned it off.
When we finally got up and started making our way home, I turn my phone on again. Lots of messages, from Baby getting angry and threatening to beat Y up, to mummy telling me that Baby's called her AND my godmother looking for me.
First of all, I was angered because as I have told him countless of times, I have my own life too. I have my own friends, and I want to go out with them as regularly as I want to. But because of him, I have not gone out with other friends for half a year.
Secondly, most of my friends are guys. The only female friends I have are either from forums or are my relatives. And I do not relate well to females. Baby knows this even before we got together. Knowing this, he should have accepted me as I am and not try to take my friends away from me.
Thirdly, I feel that I have had completely NO personal space and privacy because he expects me to report every single little thing I did and starts fuming if I did not. The only time I get my space if when I start fuming and threaten to break up with him.
Now I have truly decided. I want a break up with him.
In previous times I would relent for the sake of peace, to stop him stalking me and my friends. This time, I've learnt. I've made a police report about him stalking me and threatening my friends. I've gotten the help of W, both Baby's and my friend, and it is W who will be driving me to submit the report to court should Baby continue to stalk me.
Baby's begging and crying, saying that he know that he's too emotional and too possessive, but that he's not a psycho. Yea, tell me that he's not psycho.
Never will I go back to him again.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
GAH! I forgot all that I wanted to post yesterday. So remember, boys and girls, DON'T procrastinate.
The bird shop was closed early yesterday, so we didn't get to see that sweet AG we found yesterday.
About the AG. It's still learning how to balance. It can walk around on its perch ok, but when I try to walk around with it on my arm, it fell and (surprisingly) cried. Aawww~~~
Oh yea, ahem. Unable to post pictures of Leeling jiejie trying on her wedding gown because the file format disallows me to edit/post it.
My little map turtle is dead. My big red-eared slider munched and mutilated it. Darn.
Baby promises to get me a mini maltese in three month's time. Which in the meantime means, we can't get that AG yet. Because AGs can only adapt to new owners and new pets within the first few months of its life. After that, it will turn aggressive toward other new pets.
My mind knows the logic of this, and the responsibility. But my heart is still with that sweet AG now. What's funnier is that I've volunteered myself to foster some mongrels that Guiness (from MOP) found. Actually I've only just pm-ed him.
Whatever comes, comes.
Sudden urge to smoke again. Must... fight... this.. urge!
The bird shop was closed early yesterday, so we didn't get to see that sweet AG we found yesterday.
About the AG. It's still learning how to balance. It can walk around on its perch ok, but when I try to walk around with it on my arm, it fell and (surprisingly) cried. Aawww~~~
Oh yea, ahem. Unable to post pictures of Leeling jiejie trying on her wedding gown because the file format disallows me to edit/post it.
My little map turtle is dead. My big red-eared slider munched and mutilated it. Darn.
Baby promises to get me a mini maltese in three month's time. Which in the meantime means, we can't get that AG yet. Because AGs can only adapt to new owners and new pets within the first few months of its life. After that, it will turn aggressive toward other new pets.
My mind knows the logic of this, and the responsibility. But my heart is still with that sweet AG now. What's funnier is that I've volunteered myself to foster some mongrels that Guiness (from MOP) found. Actually I've only just pm-ed him.
Whatever comes, comes.
Sudden urge to smoke again. Must... fight... this.. urge!
Monday, June 13, 2005
ARGH! ARGH FUCKING GOD DAMNED IT!
I had a post all ready to post, but I accidently pressed on back space and poof! Everything's gone. *sobz* It was such a nice long post~
No use crying over spilt milk now. I'll try to rewrite everything I can remember.
Erm.. okie.. so here goes..
Wait, wait wait, wait! Receiving wedding dress pics from Leeling jiejie now on msn, kinda busy now, will be back to update post later!
Sorry guys!
I had a post all ready to post, but I accidently pressed on back space and poof! Everything's gone. *sobz* It was such a nice long post~
No use crying over spilt milk now. I'll try to rewrite everything I can remember.
Erm.. okie.. so here goes..
Wait, wait wait, wait! Receiving wedding dress pics from Leeling jiejie now on msn, kinda busy now, will be back to update post later!
Sorry guys!
ENOUGH! Enough of the god damned war. It's getting boring. I don't even feel like going to MOP nowadays because of the the guns everybody's set up, ready to fire.
Went to the bird shop at 931 yesterday. There was this sweet, sweet AG who was really, really sweet! It's so sweet! Have I told you before that it's sweet?
Hah, ok.
So it has a whiter face than normal AGs. So what?
Its feathers are also of a lighter shade of grey. So what?
Its face looks like an innocent doll, smiling at times, playful at times. So what?
Here's so what. It has the sweetest temperament ever, that shook the image of AGs being really fierce in my mind. You stick your finger in front of it, it doesn't bite. Its just about to start on solid food in a week's time, but it already knows the command "UP" and "DOWN".
It's really friendly to everybody there. And its sooooooo sweet! So young that it can't even balance properly on my arm. Such a sweet baby. It already knows how to mimic a few words. Aww!
I could have it if I wanted, mind you. But I've already made up my mind for a mini maltese that costs a bomb. If I want a mini maltese I can't get an AG first. I Have to get that mini maltese first.
AGs are really dominating birds. It only accustoms itself to different surroundings and people when it is young. If the mini maltese is already here when it arrive, then we can all live in peace. But if the mini maltese comes AFTER it's over the accustomary period, then all hell will break loose in my house.
What should I do? One must consider everything when getting another pet. In this case, the time and money factor is against me. I could scrape up enough to get that AG, but I wouldn't have enough left for my own.
Went to the bird shop at 931 yesterday. There was this sweet, sweet AG who was really, really sweet! It's so sweet! Have I told you before that it's sweet?
Hah, ok.
So it has a whiter face than normal AGs. So what?
Its feathers are also of a lighter shade of grey. So what?
Its face looks like an innocent doll, smiling at times, playful at times. So what?
Here's so what. It has the sweetest temperament ever, that shook the image of AGs being really fierce in my mind. You stick your finger in front of it, it doesn't bite. Its just about to start on solid food in a week's time, but it already knows the command "UP" and "DOWN".
It's really friendly to everybody there. And its sooooooo sweet! So young that it can't even balance properly on my arm. Such a sweet baby. It already knows how to mimic a few words. Aww!
I could have it if I wanted, mind you. But I've already made up my mind for a mini maltese that costs a bomb. If I want a mini maltese I can't get an AG first. I Have to get that mini maltese first.
AGs are really dominating birds. It only accustoms itself to different surroundings and people when it is young. If the mini maltese is already here when it arrive, then we can all live in peace. But if the mini maltese comes AFTER it's over the accustomary period, then all hell will break loose in my house.
What should I do? One must consider everything when getting another pet. In this case, the time and money factor is against me. I could scrape up enough to get that AG, but I wouldn't have enough left for my own.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
AH-HA! I finally found out why there were chinese characters in my posts! Usually I just type my posts into Microsoft Words before cutting and pasting them here, so the "" and the .... are of different formats. Will try to edit all my other posts, just give me some time.
Warning: PMS mode - ON!
When I first entered MOP today, my first impression was... woah. So many war threads and flaming posts in the portal alone. There are a lot more in the other threads that I have yet to dig up.
And again, this shooting never ends.
*post edited and war deleted because I myself find it boring. Anyway, I did put the point across to a lot of people, didn't I?*
Quarrelled with baby again today. That's it. We're over.
He who accuses me of flirting around with other guys. He who thinks that every single guy other than him has a motive. He who does not believe in true platonic friendship is because he always fell in love with his supposedly "purely platonic" friends.
*parts edited and removed because author is being accused of distorting said guy's words, posting some and not posting some."
I'm sick of his shit. I'm sick of always having a person super glued to me wherever I go. I'm sick of him stalking me whenever we quarrel or when I want to be alone. I'm sick of being accused every time I missed his call or ignore him. I'm sick of him always controlling me like I'm a six-year-old.
I'm sick of the way he thinks that buying me gifts will automatically redeem himself for whatever shit he's done. I'm sick of the way he tries to justify himself by moving the focus somewhere else. I'm sick of him always thinking that everything is a small matter and that I shouldn't get so worked up over a small matter. If there weren't a million small matters happening almost everyday, do you think I would blow up?
"u wan den be fair" "dont share only one sided story" these were back to back. I did not distort your messages. So I should write of your plight here? In MY blog? You're kidding. You want to control even MY blog? Right.
*updated* I am sick of him always saying things that he knows will make me angry on purpose just to catch my attention, to make me reply, and then giving me crap talk wanting me to cool down. After which, wanting to clarify and justify matters to which I already said that I don't want to clarify.
I just want a break up. I have always been wanting a break up. Is that so hard to get?
Fucked up relationship. We aren't even compatible in terms of personality and character. I wonder why he keeps holding on. Don't ask me, I've been trying to get out since a long time ago.
Warning: PMS mode - ON!
When I first entered MOP today, my first impression was... woah. So many war threads and flaming posts in the portal alone. There are a lot more in the other threads that I have yet to dig up.
And again, this shooting never ends.
*post edited and war deleted because I myself find it boring. Anyway, I did put the point across to a lot of people, didn't I?*
Quarrelled with baby again today. That's it. We're over.
He who accuses me of flirting around with other guys. He who thinks that every single guy other than him has a motive. He who does not believe in true platonic friendship is because he always fell in love with his supposedly "purely platonic" friends.
*parts edited and removed because author is being accused of distorting said guy's words, posting some and not posting some."
I'm sick of his shit. I'm sick of always having a person super glued to me wherever I go. I'm sick of him stalking me whenever we quarrel or when I want to be alone. I'm sick of being accused every time I missed his call or ignore him. I'm sick of him always controlling me like I'm a six-year-old.
I'm sick of the way he thinks that buying me gifts will automatically redeem himself for whatever shit he's done. I'm sick of the way he tries to justify himself by moving the focus somewhere else. I'm sick of him always thinking that everything is a small matter and that I shouldn't get so worked up over a small matter. If there weren't a million small matters happening almost everyday, do you think I would blow up?
"u wan den be fair" "dont share only one sided story" these were back to back. I did not distort your messages. So I should write of your plight here? In MY blog? You're kidding. You want to control even MY blog? Right.
*updated* I am sick of him always saying things that he knows will make me angry on purpose just to catch my attention, to make me reply, and then giving me crap talk wanting me to cool down. After which, wanting to clarify and justify matters to which I already said that I don't want to clarify.
I just want a break up. I have always been wanting a break up. Is that so hard to get?
Fucked up relationship. We aren't even compatible in terms of personality and character. I wonder why he keeps holding on. Don't ask me, I've been trying to get out since a long time ago.
Friday, June 10, 2005
* post edited, war removed*
Got this in wholivesnearyou. I put this quote everywhere I go:
"I ain't perfect, neither are you."
and I got this feedback:
"yea u aint perfect.. but perfect enuff for me =) "
Thank you Damien!
Other than this, I get lots of funny people asking to be friends as well.
Take fedupz for instance. He's looking for someone to "have fun", to "ride on his bike". Hmz...
And keshav, "u are hot". I KNOW that I'm hot, so I don't need you to tell me this.
Benny, "hihi.. can make frd?? btw, u look cute.. : )". Do I need you to tell me?
ZEP, "a beautiful gal and a fast bike. best combi!!!haha". I KNOW. Gawd, I know.
Lemons, "i was thinking if you have the sizes of 34,23,34." Why, thanks, but no thanks for getting them all wrong.
Wayne, "hi im wayne mind making frends". Yes I mind. I mind making friends with a big sissy who ties up his hair in funny funny places.
There are the nice people too, who introduces themselves before asking if you want to be their friends. People like reallyme (curious nick).
And Yaorong, living in the same block for years without ever knowing! *chops up Yaorong's manhood*
How about Aris, who spouted advice through Mykie before we were ever in contact? Oh but thanks Aris, I really do needed and appreciated those advices you gave.
Oh, and yay. I get people wanting to be "friends" with me just soon after I uploaded pictures of me being the Zen girl onto my friendster. How shallow.
Got this in wholivesnearyou. I put this quote everywhere I go:
"I ain't perfect, neither are you."
and I got this feedback:
"yea u aint perfect.. but perfect enuff for me =) "
Thank you Damien!
Other than this, I get lots of funny people asking to be friends as well.
Take fedupz for instance. He's looking for someone to "have fun", to "ride on his bike". Hmz...
And keshav, "u are hot". I KNOW that I'm hot, so I don't need you to tell me this.
Benny, "hihi.. can make frd?? btw, u look cute.. : )". Do I need you to tell me?
ZEP, "a beautiful gal and a fast bike. best combi!!!haha". I KNOW. Gawd, I know.
Lemons, "i was thinking if you have the sizes of 34,23,34." Why, thanks, but no thanks for getting them all wrong.
Wayne, "hi im wayne mind making frends". Yes I mind. I mind making friends with a big sissy who ties up his hair in funny funny places.
There are the nice people too, who introduces themselves before asking if you want to be their friends. People like reallyme (curious nick).
And Yaorong, living in the same block for years without ever knowing! *chops up Yaorong's manhood*
How about Aris, who spouted advice through Mykie before we were ever in contact? Oh but thanks Aris, I really do needed and appreciated those advices you gave.
Oh, and yay. I get people wanting to be "friends" with me just soon after I uploaded pictures of me being the Zen girl onto my friendster. How shallow.
Good-bye, Ben.
We started out sharing our past memories that still haunts us today. You told me about your past, and I told you about mine.
We had fun in MOP, posting in the UFC. You were our "boss", and we, your secretary and treasurer.
We exchanged msn and friendster emails, and had long conversations late into the night.
You helped enlighten me about certain points in my relationship. And I tried to share your sadness with you too.
I still keep our conversations.
"Did my heart love till now?
For I swear in sight
for I ne'er saw till beauty till this night"
All gone now.
You have taken sides.
Is it a negative point, that I did not go around getting people to take sides? That I let people see for themselves instead of letting friendship blinding them?
Because of him, I have lost a friend. Because of him, you now regard me as your enemy. I have not done anything wrong to you, and yet you hate me now as your worst foe.
Must things turn out like that? That you should lose your own personality and take sides for another, losing a friend?
I know that I may not mean much to you as a friend, but you mean a lot to me.
I did nothing wrong to you.
And yet I am sorry to have lost you.
Good-bye, Ben.
We started out sharing our past memories that still haunts us today. You told me about your past, and I told you about mine.
We had fun in MOP, posting in the UFC. You were our "boss", and we, your secretary and treasurer.
We exchanged msn and friendster emails, and had long conversations late into the night.
You helped enlighten me about certain points in my relationship. And I tried to share your sadness with you too.
I still keep our conversations.
"Did my heart love till now?
For I swear in sight
for I ne'er saw till beauty till this night"
All gone now.
You have taken sides.
Is it a negative point, that I did not go around getting people to take sides? That I let people see for themselves instead of letting friendship blinding them?
Because of him, I have lost a friend. Because of him, you now regard me as your enemy. I have not done anything wrong to you, and yet you hate me now as your worst foe.
Must things turn out like that? That you should lose your own personality and take sides for another, losing a friend?
I know that I may not mean much to you as a friend, but you mean a lot to me.
I did nothing wrong to you.
And yet I am sorry to have lost you.
Good-bye, Ben.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Woah! Seems like D is the main character of almost every single one of my recent posts! It's getting boring. I've proven my point, haven't I?
Hey, isn't this MY blog?
I lost my 7610 at the PC show! *sadz* Am now using a Sony Ericsson T630. It's really un-user friendly, the messaging system sucks. I used to love sending messages out of the blue, but now I hate to even reply important messages.
Tomorrow is my accounts paper. Who cares?
Seems like baby cares more than me. He's forcing me to study, frowns at me when I'm using the computer and accuses me of flirting around with people online.
Come on, can't I have friends? It's as if I'm not supposed to have friends ever since he started going out with me.
Enough about him. Eurgh!
Well. I'm currently going through the post PC show binge! FOOD! Yeeaaa! Waiting for my Fish & Co, Moonfish, Outback, ANGUS HOUSE! Pizza, pasta, titbits.. WAH!
Don't be surprised if you see a rounder Jasmine the next time you see me!
Hmz.. I'm gonna get myself a mini maltese somewhere in July. Stay tuned dudes/dudettes, I'll posts pictures of the little cutie when I get her!
Okay, I'm getting a little over-enthusiastic here.
Will be heading to the bird shop at 931 later on, and to my god mother's house after that for dinner. Sorry, no dinner dates tonight.
HOT! The weather, I meant. And yea, me too.
Hey, isn't this MY blog?
I lost my 7610 at the PC show! *sadz* Am now using a Sony Ericsson T630. It's really un-user friendly, the messaging system sucks. I used to love sending messages out of the blue, but now I hate to even reply important messages.
Tomorrow is my accounts paper. Who cares?
Seems like baby cares more than me. He's forcing me to study, frowns at me when I'm using the computer and accuses me of flirting around with people online.
Come on, can't I have friends? It's as if I'm not supposed to have friends ever since he started going out with me.
Enough about him. Eurgh!
Well. I'm currently going through the post PC show binge! FOOD! Yeeaaa! Waiting for my Fish & Co, Moonfish, Outback, ANGUS HOUSE! Pizza, pasta, titbits.. WAH!
Don't be surprised if you see a rounder Jasmine the next time you see me!
Hmz.. I'm gonna get myself a mini maltese somewhere in July. Stay tuned dudes/dudettes, I'll posts pictures of the little cutie when I get her!
Okay, I'm getting a little over-enthusiastic here.
Will be heading to the bird shop at 931 later on, and to my god mother's house after that for dinner. Sorry, no dinner dates tonight.
HOT! The weather, I meant. And yea, me too.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Changed the skin (again) because the previous one had something wrong with it.
Firstly, it contained funny funny characters when I type any of the signs.
Secondly, I got feedback from this guy who lives downstairs:
"kaoz.. viewing ur blog in the public is such an EMBARASSING thing to do.. even at home.. my mother was asking me the other time "Why got 2 girls kissing each other?""
I'm so sorry Yaorong! Ngiaks
Firstly, it contained funny funny characters when I type any of the signs.
Secondly, I got feedback from this guy who lives downstairs:
"kaoz.. viewing ur blog in the public is such an EMBARASSING thing to do.. even at home.. my mother was asking me the other time "Why got 2 girls kissing each other?""
I'm so sorry Yaorong! Ngiaks
Monday, June 06, 2005
Urgh! I have been so itching to blog for almost 5 days! I'm gonna enjoy every moment of typing this post.
Had been at the PC show since Thursday, and today is the first day I get to sleep at home~ don't get me wrong, I love being in that show. Its just the travelling I don't like.
As promised, here are photos of a red-faced me at eski bar.
Before...
After!
Can't even keep my eyes open.
Here are some pictures I took at YuQi's birthday..
Murdering the cake
Yay!
Flooding! Flooding! Flooding with pictures from the PC show (mostly just us walking around or showing off)!
Pictures taken with other people..
Bernard
Kelvin Luo
Mummy dearest
Huiyi
Stupid Mark standing far away
Noel, Jasmine (Tan) and Jasmine (Chia)
Some exclusive footage of what's inside the store room!
The really sleepy girls (there were more, but I wasn't fast enough with my camera)
These heels really kill. So off they go!
All hail King Noel (a.k.a papasan)! And his makeshift throne!
Noel and John
Michael having lunch. I think I'm the only one with his picture, he just so camera shy.
The shy girls, Chelsea and Enshan
The works
FYI I'm on the left distributing flyers.
And the payoff! Aren't we just beautiful?
From left to right: (top) Jasmine, Ivy, miss blur smiley face, Esmerella, Pauline, LiJun, Chelsea, Ivy Wong, (bottom) Enshan, Fangmin, Shelia , and ME~!
Notice that there's a little miss blur smiley face in a lot of picture. She's such a bitch that I don’t want her endorsing my blog. I don't want to go in to little lians' grudges that hold for years, but I know enough to deduce that she's the type who, if you are of no more use to her, she won’t even smile at you.
She was in the same class as my sister. She's the type who sucks up (literally) to teachers and believes herself to be a godamn diva. Like she's of superiority class and you need a permit to see her smile. I for one did not have any grudges with her at first, but after she got all fierce with me and gave my sister a highly disdainful look, I started disliking her. Like, what's her problem? Its not as if she and my sister had an argument or anything, or maybe she’s just guilty of doing lots of funny shit back in secondary school days?
Plus, it WAS her job to smile. Or does she think that her superiority allows her to give customers highly disdainful looks?
Crazy girl.
*post edited, war removed*
A big, big, BIG sorry to eggstabb! I shouldn't have dragged you in on our argument. I'm so sorry~ *drools*
Had been at the PC show since Thursday, and today is the first day I get to sleep at home~ don't get me wrong, I love being in that show. Its just the travelling I don't like.
As promised, here are photos of a red-faced me at eski bar.
Before...
After!
Can't even keep my eyes open.
Here are some pictures I took at YuQi's birthday..
Murdering the cake
Yay!
Flooding! Flooding! Flooding with pictures from the PC show (mostly just us walking around or showing off)!
Pictures taken with other people..
Bernard
Kelvin Luo
Mummy dearest
Huiyi
Stupid Mark standing far away
Noel, Jasmine (Tan) and Jasmine (Chia)
Some exclusive footage of what's inside the store room!
The really sleepy girls (there were more, but I wasn't fast enough with my camera)
These heels really kill. So off they go!
All hail King Noel (a.k.a papasan)! And his makeshift throne!
Noel and John
Michael having lunch. I think I'm the only one with his picture, he just so camera shy.
The shy girls, Chelsea and Enshan
The works
FYI I'm on the left distributing flyers.
And the payoff! Aren't we just beautiful?
From left to right: (top) Jasmine, Ivy, miss blur smiley face, Esmerella, Pauline, LiJun, Chelsea, Ivy Wong, (bottom) Enshan, Fangmin, Shelia , and ME~!
Notice that there's a little miss blur smiley face in a lot of picture. She's such a bitch that I don’t want her endorsing my blog. I don't want to go in to little lians' grudges that hold for years, but I know enough to deduce that she's the type who, if you are of no more use to her, she won’t even smile at you.
She was in the same class as my sister. She's the type who sucks up (literally) to teachers and believes herself to be a godamn diva. Like she's of superiority class and you need a permit to see her smile. I for one did not have any grudges with her at first, but after she got all fierce with me and gave my sister a highly disdainful look, I started disliking her. Like, what's her problem? Its not as if she and my sister had an argument or anything, or maybe she’s just guilty of doing lots of funny shit back in secondary school days?
Plus, it WAS her job to smile. Or does she think that her superiority allows her to give customers highly disdainful looks?
Crazy girl.
*post edited, war removed*
A big, big, BIG sorry to eggstabb! I shouldn't have dragged you in on our argument. I'm so sorry~ *drools*
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