I feel like a BLOODY idiot now.

Was online to change my practical timing, found out that the time I changed to was peak hour (which means I needed to top up some money into my account at SSDC), and having lost the card number Kenny gave me, I fumbled through his wallet for his Mastercard.

Guess what I found.

Something hurting. Something that pierced right through my heart and stung my eyes like a blunt dagger laced with salt. Something that made me want to take out my nail gun and attempt to nail down my heart so that it would not bleed again.

But I'm bleeding. Bleeding in my white princessy gown. Bleeding in my white princessy slippers. In my white princessy soul.

Might be just me. Might be not. Might be that he's lazy. Might be that he's not.

Ambiguous. Vague. Uncertain. Nothing's clear to me. He tells me he loves me. I know that he loves me. But sometimes his actions say otherwise.

Maybe I'm still just a kid. Maybe I'm simply too naive to believe that such a love would exist. Maybe I still don't know as much as I ought to.

I had envisioned life as a roll of tape. Since the day I fell in love with him I envisioned a pair of scissors, cutting away the tape that is behind him, cutting away the past so that I would never see it. I only want to see the here and the now. But by and by I see more and more of his past, to the point where I almost know all about it.

I didn't want to know.

I didn't want to see.

I didn't want to feel the way I feel.

Pictures. Picture after picture, tearing me apart.

I do not cry. I find no need to shake my tears away because there is none for me to shake.

Jaded. So jaded.

Stop peeling my layers away. They only make me hurt more.

Leave me alone.