Feeling better


I realize much of the derange-ness came from knowing that something can be done but I was just withholding and forcing myself not to do anything until I made my decision.

Now that something's been done at last, I've already said what I needed to say. I don't know if any of that went into his brain, or if he thinks I'm lying because I'm desperate.

Actually, no. Junie was talking to me online today, and I don't understand why but his words are superbly powerful.

"It's obvious that you two can't let each other go yet. Why not stay together? Stop thinking about other things, and just do it." This really puts things into perspective.

I initiated a conversation with him, and sad to say, found out that he totally hasn't been thinking about this relationship at all. Doesn't matter.

I'm trying to improve the relationship but I need the other party to co-orporate with me. And that can only happen if the other party wants to try to improve this relationship.

When the question of whether he wants to give it another try was posed at him, he said he needed time to think. Now it's his turn to have doubts about continuing this.

However, either way, it's ok with me. I promised myself that I'd stick by my words, so if he wants to, I'll try my utmost to improve on the relationship (with his help, of course). If he doesn't, it's fine, because at least I made the effort and I tried. Even though I hit a blank wall, I have no regrets because I'll know that there is nothing else that I can do already.

Either way I become a better person. Either way, I've learned many lessons from this experience. Either way, there are going to be changes, maybe slowly, but it's going to happen.

Either way, "The Earth doesn't stop spinning." - FedEx.