Found another gem
From April's blog.
"Come on, marriage is not a test where you take and you get to qualify for if your love reaches a certain stage. We can get married to someone we don't love at all and it's still a marriage. We are not married and that's not becuz we don't love each other enough or we are not sure about each other, it's about timing and financial stability among other factors. I get upset when people judge relationships like we are only fooling around and isn't committed just because we have not signed on the dotted line. Its sad that a lot of other people also seems to think that way."
April is currently overseas studying, and from reading her blog we're all sharing in her pain of seperation with her boyfriend, seeing as how very much in love they are.
I totally agree with her on this thing, although different couples have different situations so this may not be true for all.
People put too much emphasis on a piece of paper.
8 comments:
Jazz, i don't quite understand why you kept saying and complaining that your bf doesn't love you, doesnt need you, treat you badly. And his name has been appearing in this blog for the longest time.
Because you are still with him.
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Why do you write to the whole world about him, and how bad is he treating you yet you still can't get away from him?
Is it because of attention from readers?
Is it because you are subconciouly hoping that he would know how u feel because anoynomous has been reading it?
You were hoping to get sympathy from people who only reads your side of the story?
A happy relationship has to begin with someone. If you are always trapped in unhappiness, and thinks that he doesn't love you. It will make it hard for him to love you.
Who would tolerate loving a sad, depressed, grouchy and upset person every single day?
Hi, Anon.
Well, as I've repeated countless times before and you've read countless times before, this is MY blog. I have NOWHERE else to spill my feelings out to, so naturally my blog bears the brunt of my attacks.
Reading through my own old posts, I don't really find myself trying to grab attention. I'm sorry you misunderstood and took it that I am.
My blog is a documentation of the life I lead, the struggles I face and more often during recent times, my emotional turmoil and the problems I'm facing with him.
Maybe you don't really understand, but that doesn't give you the right to judge anyone.
Sure, it's nice to see encouraging comments from nice people like feathers and yuffie and DJ and GerGer, but if you look carefully, more often than not the comments are from unconstructive people who, like you, don't like to put their name or even a nickname for the sake of being identified.
Now why would I want to get attention and/or sympathy from people like that?
You are an outsider, so you don't know what's really going on in the real world outside of this virtual reality. He does know how I feel, and we're both trying very hard as well. Just because I don't post every single detail does not mean you can start judging.
A happy relationship begins with someone. Then again a happy relationship with no problems at all might not last. Ours is fraught with more problems now than most normal couples, but it builds a sturdy foundation to get the kinks out of the relationship now than in the later stages when one is married and too tired with the daily grind to keep up with solidifying the relationship.
Toleration is part and parcel of a relationship. We're all just tolerating different things in different people. It's how much you love a person that tells how accepting you are.
Just in case you are genuinely concerned about us and not just being yet another kaypoh-ji, Lazychoo and I are doing fine right now. We drive each other insane occasionally but we're still very much in love. I think.
I know i came across a judgemental. I was hoping to knock some sense into you. Its sad seeing you trapped in darkness and unhappiness.
I didnt leave my name, because I don't know you personally. So i don't see the point in even putting in my name to identify myself cos the intention wasn't to put you down or to humiliate you.
I wanted to tell you that there are always more than 2 ways to look at the situation you are in. U said you are weak, and without spine because of him. You said that he didnt care, he didnt need you. You said that he is still clinging on to his past and not let go.
If you feel that you are weak, then do something about it.It may not necessary mean walking away from him. It can mean that you can change the way you think about the situation.
I agreed with his definition of need, because he placed it on a different context. It is true that we need to work. He probably sees it in a different perspective as you do.
I am not calling you a weakling, because i was in this situation before. I know the struggles. But you being stuck in depression and negativities doesn't really help the situation, does it?
When his friends carry tales about what he read in your blog to him. He didnt hear it direct from you. Would it make him any happier? Does it help your relationship to improve?
No..Step into his shoes and think. If he kept a blog and wrote in what how unhappy he was with you in almost every entry. And you only heard this from your friend's mouth. Would you feel justified? Or would u be even more upset with the relationship.
Good tat you understand that u need to iron out differences for a long lasting relationship. But i think a better communication channel or method would have been better.
But first of all, look at the relationship in a more positive light, if you think its worth moving on.
+D+
Hm.. You know, what you said actually makes sense.
Well, he used to take absolutely no interest in my blog. But since his so-called "best friend" ratted on my blog to him, he's been following it occasionally, so what he gets is pretty much the real me. I get into quite some trouble with him about my own posts too.
He does have a blog too, and he does write about me occasionally. So I know the feeling.
I believe we both agreed that we won't be influenced by anyone with an extra big cockroach mouth outside of the relationship, but yea, you never know. This is why I'm so wary of that cockroach.
But anyways, you seem sincere. Thanks.
Wow~!
I'd like to know this Anon!!
He/She actually got my 'fierce' sis to accept a different opinion!!!
*salute*
I got this from a chinese lyrics "Ai mei"..
"when do you move on from here and when do you let go"
I think you are trapped in this question every single day. BEcause one moment i read about giving up, and another moment i read about "against all odds".
It takes a lot of patience and tolerance to make a relationship work. Every single relationship has problems, others appears to have none, because they are too in love to see it.
If you see you and him together, give it a shot, find a good way to tell him how you feel and what he can do to make you feel better. Guys are such idiotic creatures, that sometimes you have to give them step by step instructions.
You mentioned that your relationship is fraught with problems, but all relationships have its root problems, for yours, its probably communication.
If its not communication, then its about your past, or his past. You too can't get over what you had personally experienced, and its affecting your judgement of your current relationship.
You love him, thats why it hurts so much, thats why you can't let go. If you can't let go, then try make it better. Who knows, you may see good results. If you didn't see anything, it is still an effort for the both of you.
Relationship, survive on more faith, trust than love itself.
Cudas: Nahbeh you.
Anon: Thanks for opening up my eyes and providing a different point of view that actually makes sense. Perhaps you understand me more than Lazychoo can.
However, it is still too early for you to make any judgement yet. Unless you want to hear me nag about what I already did for the relationship(which would be quite a feat if I ever get down to it), there is no room for telling me what I should do.
Maybe something unorthodox that I haven't thought of yet?
I rest my case. >P
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